IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Topic: Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#topic #punishment #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To put
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
ful
Correct your spelling
full
 stop
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal activities strict rules should be made by authorities. It is suggested by some individuals that death
penalities
Correct your spelling
penalties
show examples
 should be given to the
lawbearker
Correct your spelling
lawbreaker
 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unlawful acts. Forthcoming writing will shed some points
justifing
Correct your spelling
justifying
 the
above discussed
Add a hyphen
above-discussed
show examples
 scenario.
Firstly
, it is important to set examples
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of others, what are consequences of the unlawful
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
. Needless to say, it is human nature, if one
will know
Wrong verb form
knows
show examples
 the outcomes of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
certain actions can jeopardize their life,
then
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 will always be
mindfull
Correct your spelling
mindful
 of their actions.
For example
, in Muslim
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 death
penality
Correct your spelling
penalty
show examples
 is given to those who
comit
Correct your spelling
commit
 crimes like rape and
muder
Correct your spelling
murder
. It is on record that
such
 crimes
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 only in
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
 number.
Hence
, it is important to make the harsh law for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious crimes like rape and murder.
Secondly
, it is important to take instant
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 on serious
unlawfull acitivies
Correct your spelling
unlawful activities
 to reduce their number. It goes without saying that
justice
 delayed is
justice
 denied, so authorities should give
punshiment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 to the culprits as soon as possible,
instead
 of giving time for the offender to run away.
For example
, in some remote places
justice
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 given by the panchayat system and
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 in given
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the spot
due to
 which
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
show examples
 do not get time to run and
victim
Add an article
the victim
show examples
 gets the
justice
. Considering all the points above, It is seen that if harsh
punshiments
Correct your spelling
punishments
 are given in lesser time,
then
 helps in reducing
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate.
Submitted by simrantiwana1086 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to refine the introduction with a clearer statement of your position. This will improve the overall clarity and purpose of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully developed. Give each argument more elaboration and explanation. Avoid generalizations by providing specific examples where applicable.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Avoid small errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word usage.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This is good for readability.
task achievement
You effectively use examples to support your points, such as the reference to laws in Muslim countries. This adds credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • deterrence
  • rehabilitation
  • retroactive
  • morality
  • judiciary
  • death penalty
  • violent crime
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • penology
  • human rights
  • justice system
  • retribution
  • corrections
  • criminology
  • executions
  • societal norms
  • ethically contentious
  • legislation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: