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Writing Samples
Band 5

The young generation should choose their own profession by them selves . If they work in their chosen job, they will be satisfied with their work and they will enjoy their occupation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#generation #profession #selves #work #job #occupation
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Career
Use synonyms
 choice is important nowadays.
Although
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 some
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
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 that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
ought
Add the word
ought to
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 be realistic about their future when choosing a
job
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, I think they should be free to decide which
career
Use synonyms
 is best for them. The young generation should choose their own
profession
Use synonyms
 by
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
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. In
this
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 regard, from a psychological point of view, young
people
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 can put a lot of effort into their
work
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 because they enjoy doing it. If they
work
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 in their chosen
job
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, they will be satisfied with their
work
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 and they will enjoy their occupation.
For example
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, if
people
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work
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 at
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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according to
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 their interests, they will pass their working time as
daily
Add an article
a daily
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 routine.
Also
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, they will have
Add an article
a more
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more
Change the word
apply
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longer
career
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 as they get content from their
job
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.
Therefore
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,it is recommended for
people
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 to choose their professions
according to
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 their interests Teenagers should think more realistically about their future
work
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. If young
people
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 choose their
profession
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 thoughtfully, they will master it more efficiently and quickly.
Moreover
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, in the
future
Add a comma
future,
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 they will occupy jobs which will be more well-paid and they will achieve goals more effectively.
For example
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,
people
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 who are professionals in their
work
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 today have chosen their
profession
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 more realistically.
Thus
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,youngsters are advised to choose their jobs more realistically. In conclusion, if a teenager has a
career
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 of their choice, they will not be pressured at
work
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.
However
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, minors become more proficient in their careers if they make more realistic
career
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 choices. I personally think so young
people
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 should have the right to freely choose their
profession
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.
Otherwise
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, it will affect their satisfaction and happiness in life.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of paragraphs by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. This will enhance the overall flow and make the essay easier to read.
Task Achievement
Including more specific examples can help support your points and provide concrete evidence for your arguments.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and varied sentence structures to make your writing more dynamic and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the discussion well.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints thoroughly and gives a clear opinion.
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