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Band 5

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#computers #invention #years
As one of the gadgets most commonly used by human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 nowadays, many are praising
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the contribution of
computer
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the computer
show examples
 as
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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game-changing with no other inventions over centuries can compare with.
While
 many
people
 argued that
this
invention
 opened a new era of human
developement
Correct your spelling
development
, there are
also
 novel developments in infrastructures and transportation that are critical to societies globally.
This
 paper will assess a variety of ideas, and provide personal insights regarding the statement. Fundamentally,
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 is a device relatively small in size but extensive in function,
such
 features open possibilities that
people
 are never
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
able to imagine. With a main body and a monitor,
people
 can use
computers
 to access the internet, store photos and documents,
as well as
 streaming videos. Thanks to the
invention
 of
comupters
Correct your spelling
computers
 new modes of living can be developed,
for instance
, work from home
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 developed since
computers
 were able to bridge
people
 who are
seperated
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separated
 from
physical
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physically
show examples
 distance to connect virtually, showing the vital role of
computers
bring
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brings
show examples
to
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in
show examples
 modern human
developments
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development
show examples
.
While
computer
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computers
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 highly beneficial to
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
 lives of
human
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humans
show examples
, there are other inventions that are
also
 essential to
people
's needs. In the past few decades, many innovations in
transportations
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transportation
show examples
such
 as
high speed
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high-speed
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 rail and electric cars
are
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have been
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 developed, allowing
people
 to travel
in
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apply
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long distances with
minimum
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a minimum
the minimum
show examples
 amount of time being spent and waste gas being generated. I can understand the reason for
people
viewing
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view
show examples
 the contribution of
computers
 are crucial, but there are more living needs
such
 as travel and
frieght
Correct your spelling
freight
 transportation which
computers
 themselves can not provide
with
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apply
show examples
. All in all, there
are
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is
show examples
 no doubt that
computer
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the computer
show examples
 should be regarded as a
fundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
invention
 for a few centuries, but
on the other hand
people
 should not overlook the contribution of other technologies, particularly in
fields
Correct article usage
the fields
show examples
 of transportation and infrastructure. With the combination of
computers
 and human innovations, I am certain that the
invention
 of other essential technologies would be at a speed more efficient than
any
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at any
show examples
 other time in the past.
Submitted by 788seal on

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Grammar
There are some grammar and spelling mistakes ('contribution of computer as is game-changing,' should be 'the contribution of computers is game-changing,' and 'developement' should be 'development'). Pay attention to these details to improve clarity and precision.
Detail
While the essay provides a response to the prompt, the arguments can be better supported with detailed examples and a more in-depth discussion on how computers compare to other inventions. Try to elaborate on specific ways computers have changed various fields.
Flow
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, but the body paragraphs can be linked more seamlessly for better cohesion.
Content
The essay addresses the topic well and offers a balanced view of the importance of computers relative to other inventions.
Structure
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, and the conclusion nicely wraps up the points discussed.
Clarity
The essay clearly distinguishes the impacts of computers from advances in infrastructure and transportation, providing a well-rounded perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • invention
  • revolutionized
  • industries
  • communication
  • connectivity
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • advancements
  • scientific research
  • technology
  • access
  • information
  • learn
  • limitations
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
Look at other essays: