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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and predictions for 2050. These given charts consist of three cohorts,
such
Linking Words
 as
kids
Use synonyms
, teenagers and
adults
Use synonyms
, and
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
. Yemen in 2000 demonstrated the biggest percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 50.1%,
while
Linking Words
 the prediction in 2050 will
falling
Wrong verb form
fall
show examples
 to 37%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young
adults
Use synonyms
 had almost half of
portion
Add an article
the portion
show examples
 and elder people had around 3 per cent in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these two generations had a growth
almost
Change preposition
of almost
show examples
 60% and 6% respectively. Italy in 2000 displayed the demographic of young
adults
Use synonyms
 was the highest proportion
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 61.6%. Meanwhile, in 2050, teenagers and
adults
Use synonyms
 had a reduction to nearly half of
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
kids
Use synonyms
 filled in 14.3%,
while
Linking Words
 in 2050, there will
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
slight decrease to 11.5%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the elderly had almost a quarter portion in 2000 and they will rise the number of demographics to 42.3 per cent.
Overall
Linking Words
, Yemen had the largest proportion
Use synonyms
kids
Change preposition
of kids
show examples
 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the prediction shows the age group of 15-59 has the biggest percentage in 2050.
However
Linking Words
, Italy had the same generation in 2000 and 2050, teenagers and
adults
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kids, adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population distribution
  • age group
  • population pyramid
  • projections
  • young population
  • aging population
  • demographic shift
  • increase in elderly population
  • proportion
  • percentage
  • population dynamics
  • top-heavy
  • balanced age distribution
  • healthcare needs
  • pension provision
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