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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comaprision where relevant.

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comaprision where relevant.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comaprision
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The presented pie
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the percentage of the various locations which conducted dancing classes in a particular town in Australia.
Linking Words
While another
Correct word choice
Another
show examples
 bar
chart
Use synonyms
 demonstrates the number of learners who attended three different types of styles by two
age
Use synonyms
 ranges.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 approximately half of the total population prefers to participate in the private studio.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the majority have attended to learn the Ballel style. Studying the given pie
chart
Use synonyms
, it is highlighted the majority interest in attending the private studio mentioned 48%.
However
Linking Words
, the minor preference has been taken by college-based studios
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 presented
10
Change preposition
at 10
show examples
%. When it
glance
Wrong verb form
glanced
show examples
 that utilization of school
hall
Use synonyms
 and community
hall
Use synonyms
 remained the same. The school
hall
Use synonyms
 usage has surpassed the usage of public halls.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the school
hall
Use synonyms
 location has been doubled by a private studio. When it considers the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, illustrates that the highest studying style is Balle where nearly 900 individuals
.
Add a missing verb
are.
show examples
 Among them, a large portion consists under the 11
age
Use synonyms
 limit which is twice
age
Use synonyms
 11-16
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is an opposite trend of modern patterns. There 11-16’s
shows
Fix the agreement mistake
show
show examples
 500
whereas
Linking Words
 the under 11 groups noted just only 300 learners. There is an approximately equal preference for Tap style in both
age
Use synonyms
 limits which merely reach 450 for each.
Submitted by dilkiapsara on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, age, hall with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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