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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relavant.

The chart below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relavant.
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A glance at the given pie charts depicts the proportion of three ingredients that have detrimental effects on the health
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
dinner
Use synonyms
, lunch, and snacks.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest proportion of both
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat is utilized in
dinner
Use synonyms
 meals.
In contrast
Linking Words
, people eat the lowest rate of the mentioned nutrients in
breakfast
Use synonyms
. Moving on to more details, individuals employ a staggering 43% of total
sodium
Use synonyms
 consumption at
dinner
Use synonyms
. Not only do people eat 14% of their
overall
Linking Words
sodium
Use synonyms
 in
breakfast
Use synonyms
, but they
also
Linking Words
 eat the same amount of
this
Linking Words
 material in their snacks. Similar to the
sodium
Use synonyms
 consumption trend, 37% of saturated fat use takes place at
dinner
Use synonyms
, which is the highest range compared to the other meals. It is obvious that the highest intake of added sugar, 42% of total intake, occurs in people's snacks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a mere 16% of added sugar is utilized in
breakfast
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, second in terms of added sugar utilization is related to
dinner
Use synonyms
 meals.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words breakfast, dinner, sodium with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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