IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

#countries #students #study #science #effects #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, most teenagers in some
countries
 have tended to avoid studying
science
 majors. Personally, I insist that there is a reason
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 limited
career
opportunities
 which affects
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other parts of the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
, supports will be illustrated in the following paragraphs: First and foremost, the major cause of students that otp other
fields
 is that they expect
science
subjects
 to have limited occupation
opportunities
. In fact,
science
subjects
 are specialised lessons that make it difficult to find appropriate works. Particularly, in some
countries
, technologies and
science
fields
 are underdeveloped or not encouraged.
For instance
, there are tremendous students in
science
 majors in Thailand who have only one viable
career
 option when they graduate from
science
fields
,
that is
 teachers.
Therefore
, students see that
science
fields
 have limited
career
opportunities
. So, they need to study in other majors to make their lives better.
Consequently
, individuals otp to learn other
subjects
 which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
 lacking scientists and struggling with new innovations. The nations combine various parts that need to be developed by technologies
such
 as medicines, electronic tools, and
others
. If they lack specialists in those
fields
, they will lose the potential to compete with
others
.
For example
, if the
countries
 lack technologies on medicines, they need to rely on other
countries
 and lack the potential to trade with
others
. The nations will lose various
opportunities
such
 as the quality of people’s health when the world has pandemics. As I mentioned, there is a reason that people have avoided studying
science
subjects
. Especially, limited
career
opportunities
. It affects the potential of the
countries
 to compete with
others
.
Therefore
, the government needs to consider and solve these problems by encouraging occupations in
science
fields
.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
To improve the essay, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the topic sentence and each idea follows logically from the one before it. Make sure to provide clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Focus on fully developing your arguments with more detailed explanations and a variety of examples. Make sure that examples are fully relevant and clearly support the points you are making.
language use
Try to enhance your vocabulary and sentence structure to make your writing more varied and engaging. This can help to better convey your points and make your essay more compelling overall.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and a conclusion summarizing the main points.
content
The main points are relevant to the topic and the examples provided are appropriate.
tone
The essay maintains a formal and appropriate tone throughout, which is suitable for the IELTS context.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
What to do next:
Look at other essays: