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Writing Samples
Band 5

Volunteering is a valuable way for people to give back to their communities and make a positive difference in the lives of others. What are the key benefits of volunteering for both the volunteers themselves and the communities they serve? Provide concrete examples to illustrate your points.

#people #communities #difference #lives #volunteers #points
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Engaging in an
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
a
Correct word choice
as a
show examples
volunteer
Use synonyms
 is a meaningful approach for people to contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and has given
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive feedback to other people's life. There are many advantages that can be taken by being a
volunteer
Use synonyms
 both for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civil society
as well as
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals who
serving
Wrong verb form
serve
show examples
 as a
volunteer
Use synonyms
. Generally, volunteering mostly offers intangible
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for those who engage because
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
most
Add a missing verb
is most
show examples
 likely unpaid and
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 social
value
Use synonyms
 rather than economic
value
Use synonyms
. In
volunteer
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
, participants will have many opportunities to engage with the locals from
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 to adults. In return
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 social
activity
Use synonyms
,
volunteers
Use synonyms
 will acquire soft skills
such
Linking Words
 as better communication and become more sociable from
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 used to socializing with strangers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there is a benefit that can be maximized for getting
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment.
For example
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
, volunteering activities
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
show examples
 pro bono
however
Linking Words
, those who have experience
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
volunteering
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 added
value
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their curriculum vitae and will higher
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chance of being accepted to the vacancy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, communities who become the beneficiaries of the volunteering
activity
Use synonyms
 can get the benefits which can be tangible or intangible. There are some volunteering
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 that deliver
volunteers
Use synonyms
 to construct local
infrastrcuture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 that the objective is sharing knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, the hard infrastructure
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
developed by the
volunteers
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
community's
Correct article usage
the community's
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the knowledge can be beneficial to increase locals' human quality.
To conclude
Linking Words
, volunteering
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 can give benefits for both
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteers
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 to the beneficiaries of the
activity
Use synonyms
. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unpaid work,
nonetheless
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Add an article
the volunteer
a volunteer
show examples
volunteer
Wrong verb form
volunteering
show examples
 has given economic
value
Use synonyms
 indirectly to those who engage in it.
Submitted by sariksma on

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grammar
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. For example, 'Engaging in an acitivity a volunteer is a meaningful approach...' can be changed to 'Engaging in volunteer activities is a meaningful approach...'.
cohesion
Enhance the coherence of your essay by using transition words and phrases. For example, use 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', 'In addition' to link your ideas smoothly.
content
Develop your main points with more specific and detailed examples. For example, you mentioned 'soft skills' and 'getting an employment'. You can elaborate by specifying which soft skills (e.g., teamwork, problem-solving) and how these are applicable in job settings.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting point and a summarizing endpoint.
content depth
You have included valid points about the intangible and tangible benefits of volunteering for both volunteers and communities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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