Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore,sport lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Now a days
, Correct the word
Nowadays
children
are more lazy in their free time
than in the past, as they now spead
a lot of Correct your spelling
spend
time
on their smartphones.I firmaly
agree that the Correct your spelling
firmly
sport
lesson must be compulsory in Change the noun form
sports
school
for them, as it it
will make them move their body and have some Remove the redundancy
apply
energy
.
To begin
with, children
the
past Change preposition
in the
were having
a lot of Wrong verb form
had
energy
and many things to do in their leisure time
than now. For instance
, they were going
to the park with Wrong verb form
went
there
parents and Correct your spelling
their
play
with friends, drawing, reading books and many Wrong verb form
played
othey
things. Correct your spelling
other
However
, in
these days Change preposition
apply
the
kids spend their spare Correct article usage
apply
time
on YouTube or on scoial
media and it Correct your spelling
social
affect
badly in their Change the verb form
affects
body
and brain.
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
Moreover
, the
Correct article usage
apply
sport lesson
should be mandatory in the Fix the agreement mistake
sports lessons
children
Change noun form
children's
school
, they need a
activity that Change the article
an
help
them move their body and Change the verb form
helps
give
them Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
energy
and also
make
them focus as long as Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
it
possible. For illustrate, the Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
can make
sport activity in the morning to make the Verb problem
do
children
more energictic
and Correct your spelling
energetic
be
ready for the day.
In conclusion, Unnecessary verb
apply
children
need to know
manage their free Add the particle
know to
time
and doing
something that will give them Wrong verb form
do
energy
, the school
can help them with it by include
Change the verb form
including
soprt
Correct your spelling
sport
lesson
in their daily schedule, so the kids can Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
also
be more prodactive
.Correct your spelling
productive
proactive
Submitted by daliaakram35 on
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task achievement
There are quite a few grammatical errors and typos that impair the readability of the essay. For instance, 'spead' should be 'spend,' 'firmaly' should be 'firmly,' 'there' should be 'their,' and 'energictic' should be 'energetic.' Careful proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
The arguments need more supporting details and specific examples to be more convincing. Adding some statistical data or studies on how physical activity impacts children's health could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. Using linking words like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' and 'To illustrate' can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
The introduction of the essay clearly states your position on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow your train of thought.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.