Shopping is now one of the most popular types of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

#leisure #activity #countries #adults #development

Shopping has become essential in our daily life,

however

Add the comma(s)

however,

show examples

young

Capitalize word

Young

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adults in

this

generation

Correct your spelling

are

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influenced by shopping too much,and

this

has a negative

impact

on them ,

while

also

having a positive effect.

Ther

Correct your spelling

There

show examples

are

Change the verb form

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many reasons for the abundance of shopping in our

time

such

as the ease of shopping,excessive advertising by merchants,and

finally

the presence of digital stores.

For example

, Amazon and AliExpress. And

this

has a positive

impact

because it develops the world,

in other

words

Add a comma

words,

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it strengthens the world's economy. And it

also

reduces unemployment in the world.

And another

Correct word choice

Another

show examples

reason for the abundance of shopping is that it has become a way for an individual to have a good

time

in other words

, shopping has become an activity for young people and children as well.

Therefore

this

can be considered as a good thing.

However

this

can

also

be a negative thing

too

Rephrase

apply

show examples

because some young people are now spending most of their

time

and money shopping. And if parents cannot control their children

this

Correct your spelling

may

show examples

negativity affect them in the future. In the end, shopping is a very important thing in our life,and it can be a good and a bad thing at the same

time

. But I see that

it's

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

positive

impact

on the young people and the new generation is greater than

it's

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

negative

impact

Submitted by moh.alholimie on Sat Sep 28 2024

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task achievement

To achieve a higher score, consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific trends or studies related to the impact of shopping on young adults.

task achievement

Work on making your ideas more comprehensive and less repetitive. Try to include a variety of points and discuss them in depth.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure by making sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This helps in making your argument more clear and persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Clarify the transition between positive and negative impacts. Ensure you provide a balanced view in your discussion.

grammar

There are some grammatical and spelling errors that need to be corrected for better clarity and understanding.

task achievement

Good attempt at discussing both positive and negative impacts of shopping for young adults. This shows a balanced perspective.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in framing the discussion well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

218 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Shopping is now one of the most popular types of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Being overweight has become a major health concern in many parts of the world. Explain the causes for being overweight and provide solutions.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Do you believe that self-driving cars will become common in the near future? Why or why not? Support your answer with reasons and expamles from your own knowledge or experience.

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?