In many countries, people are not looking care of their elderly relatives but seeking help of professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

People
are handing over the well-being of their elderly
members
of their family to professional caregivers rather than themselves in many nations.
This
essay
also
agrees with
this
initiative because
this
puts a
relieve
Replace the word
relief
show examples
on
families
to reduce the burden off their shoulders, and the older family member can be taken
care
of in a better way by professionals. The primary reason
people
hand over the
care
of their elderly family
members
to professional caregivers is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
they cannot do it the way they should do it;
that is
why they seek help from those who are trained in
this
specific field of welfare.
On the other hand
, nowadays
people
are busy with daily life and want to hand over
this
crucial task to professionals to pay respect to their elderly.
For example
, in my developed countries, there are designated
shelters
that provide services to retirees and older
people
, whereby
families
are paying for the services of these
shelters
to take
care
of their older family
members
. The second main reason is that, for the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
of these older
members
, some of the older
people
need special
care
, which most
families
are not capable of doing so, and only the elderly home
shelters
can provide;
however
, some retirees save money for their retirement, and they go to these
shelters
voluntarily to live in the rest of their lives. These places are specially designed to take
care
of the elderly in a great environment with all social and cultural activities.
For instance
, in the USA, 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
people
save some
amounts
Fix the agreement mistake
amount
show examples
of money during their longevity for retirement and live in
shelters
with better
care
. In conclusion, the trend that
people
are seeking support
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
for the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
of their elderly family
members
has become prevailing.
Firstly
, most
members
of
families
are busy with overwhelmed schedules and are not able to pay additional
care
to their elders, which is very critical in many cultures;
secondly
, some of the retired
members
need special
care
, which only those who are professionals in
this
area can handle appropriately.
Submitted by am.edrees on

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Language Use
Aim to use more varied and sophisticated language to demonstrate a higher level of vocabulary and grammar proficiency.
Structure
Consider using more complex sentence structures to enhance the essay's readability and depth.
Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both the reasons for and the benefits of professional care for the elderly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion effectively summarizes them.
Task Response
The use of examples such as the situation in the USA strengthens the argument and adds relevance to the discussion.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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