IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that children should be involved in making their school rules.others say that only adults should make the school's rules. Discuss both views and give tour own opinion

#people #children #school #rules #adults #tour
It is true that creating school
rules
 can be a difficult task.
While
 it is a common belief that making school
rules
 should involve
children
 in it,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there is
also
 an argument that opposes it.
This
 essay will analyse
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both statements and express my opinion.
Firstly
, young scholar's involvement in making
rules
 make them more responsible. To put it another way, they will respect and follow the
rules
 made by them which results in disciplined schools.
In addition
,
Children
 can learn practical life lessons and skills
such
 as critical thinking,
disciplined
Replace the word
discipline
show examples
 and many more.
On the Other Hand
, adults are far more
experiemced
Correct your spelling
experienced
experience
to oversee
Change preposition
in overseeing
show examples
 the current issues and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
rules
 to resolve them.which
children
 are unable because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 lack of maturity.
Moreover
, adults
imvolve
Correct your spelling
involve
involved
government teachers and parents of the
children
 who are
eudcated
Correct your spelling
educated
 and
famkliar
Correct your spelling
familiar
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
legalaties
Correct your spelling
legalities
 of
educatio
Correct your spelling
education
. System and the
rules
. Reated by them.will be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better. In Conclusion,
althpugh
Correct your spelling
although
 only adults should
br
Correct your spelling
be
 given priority
while
 making the
rules
 for
children
 yet
children
 must be
taufht
Correct your spelling
taught
 the sense of responsibility over voicing their opinions which they see
better
Rephrase
as better
show examples
 for themselves and their fellow students.
Submitted by asr.rajni2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and outlines what the essay will discuss. Clarify your thesis statement and ensure it guides the reader on what to expect.
examples
Improve the depth of analysis by including specific examples that illustrate and support your points. This will enhance the relevance and strength of your arguments.
grammar
Review and correct grammatical errors and sentence structures to improve the clarity and readability of your essay. Pay attention to word choice and spelling mistakes.
balance
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view and an understanding of the topic.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively sums up the main points and provides a clear opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: