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Band 7

the chart below shows the spending by 18-20 year olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014

the chart below shows the spending by 18-20 year olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014
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The bar chart illustrates young
people
Use synonyms
 who are around 18-20 years old in one country spending time on 5 different
products
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2014 . In general,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 food
products
Use synonyms
 were the most
products
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 that young
people
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 bought in 2010 and 2014 .
by contrast
Linking Words
,
books
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products
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 were the least remaining
products
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 . On the one hand , between 2010 and 2014 young
people
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 tend to buy lots of food around 3700
million
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 to 4500
million
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dollars
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 .
in contrast
Linking Words
,
books
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 were the least purchased product with 100
million
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dollars
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 in the same year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, clothes still maintained
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people
Change preposition
for people
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stayed
Verb problem
aged
show examples
 18 to
20-year-olds
Correct your spelling
20 years
 who spent 2500
million
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dollars
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 in both years .
moreover
Linking Words
, in 2010 , smartphones were at 2000
million
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dollars
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.
However
Linking Words
 , in 2014 it increased by 700
million
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dollars
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 and made 2700
million
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dollars
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the purchase of toiletries
products
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 slightly increased from about 1900 to 2000
million
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dollars
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 .
also
Linking Words
 ,
books
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 maintain a decreased drastically. In 2014, it became half compared to 2010. Particularly , 500
million
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dollars
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 spent on
books
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 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, products, books, million, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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