In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?
In a lot of cities, there is an arising of
people
that
do not have any idea of their neighbours and there is not a feeling of Correct pronoun usage
who
community
. This
is because people
do not care about others
and because there are no activities
that people
can do together.
This
new generation has a big problem, they do not care about others
, and do not want to make other friends just they want to go to work and come back as early as possible at home and continue with their routines day by day. There are no communal activities
to share
between neighbours or to practice sports, even in building complexes are not allowed parties or activities
so people
do not have opportunities to know others
. In the building where I live, we have a space to do barbeques and a big pool but for any reason is prohibited to do parties and get together with
others
in this
area.
To tackle this
problem, It would be necessary that community
halls organize events where people
of the neighbourhood share
activities
with others
and can meet each other, to increase the sense of community
which is very important for the neighbourhoods and to the next generations to keep these activities
. In Buenos Aires City every community
has different activities
for people
and to keep the identity of these neighbourhoods. There are a lot of events every weekend for the whole family.
In conclusion, many people
move constantly to different neighborhoods
and do not know other Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
people
because they do not care or due to
there are not
Correct your spelling
no
activities
to share
between them, to fix this
problem, is
demanding Unnecessary verb
apply
to
city halls, organize different Change preposition
apply
activities
that people
can share
and to keep the identity of the place and increase the sense of community
.Submitted by daniruspi on
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Try to elaborate on more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. Providing clear, real-world examples can make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. For example, some sentences are a bit long and could be split up for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is organized well, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows smoothly into the next. Transition words and phrases can help with this.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for a well-structured response.
task achievement
You have identified and explained the main causes of the problem and provided potential solutions clearly.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow to the essay, and the points are presented in a coherent manner.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.