IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words
#minutes #first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The charts illustrate the proportion of Australian household
energy
 utilization and
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 produced by it.
Overall
, it is evident that Australian households mainly use heating
energy
 and
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 dominantly come from water heating. There is no positive correlation
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
energy
 use and the
gas
emission
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the first chart, there is 42% of heating
energy
 used by Australian
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
, making it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the dominant consumption.
Following
this
, 30% of the communities utilize
water heating
Add a hyphen
water-heating
show examples
energy
.
While
 other
appliances
Change the noun form
appliance
show examples
 usage is 15%, refrigeration utilization is only half of it (7%).
In contrast
, the consumption of lighting and cooling
energy
 shows only 4% and 2%, respectively. Moving to the second chart, the largest
gas
emission
 is generated from water heating, accounting for 32% of total output. Other appliances'
gas
 production follows with 28% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 proportion.
Then
, heating and refrigeration have a similar rate of
emission
 creation, which are 15% and 14% respectively.
While
 lighting contributes to 8% of total
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
, cooling exhibits the least
emission
 contribution with only 3%.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas, emission with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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