IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Mo st peo ple do no t c are enough about environ I . agree or disagree with this st atement? . ment a issues. To wh at extent do you

#topic #mo #st #peo #ple #c #environ #atement #ment #wh
These days
a
Remove the article
apply
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plenty of
people
would
Verb problem
are
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 not so much
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about environmental problems and issues
such
 as Air pollution or
much
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 energy consumption, in
this
 essay
from
Change preposition
apply
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two main aspects
,
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of, subject
show examples
subject
Add an article
the subject
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 will be developed and
express
Wrong verb form
expressed
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 to
Correct article usage
the extend
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extend
Replace the word
extent
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 that
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
show examples
 enough
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
 crucial subject. On the one hand,
mane
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
people
 just think about their generation and it is not important for them to know what will
be happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
 in the future for the next generation.
This
 is so vital for
people
 to know
that is
 not a short-term situation.
For instance
, using of non-renewable energy is increasing day by day and the air is becoming more polluted than before.
Furthermore
, based on that issue
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not occur
in
Change preposition
at
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 their age,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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they will not feel the main disaster which is happening.
On the other hand
, because of the
extremely
Replace the word
extreme
show examples
 cost
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 facilities and equipment that they need to protect the environment and conservation,
people
 would prefer to use some reasonable facilities
instead
 of more efficient
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
For example
,
instead
 of using hybrid cars, which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work with
mixture
Add an article
a mixture
show examples
 of water and gas, and, electrical cars,
due to
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 cost of these vehicles, they prefer to use their engine cars.
Additionally
 educational prosper must have more influence on
people
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 know more about
this
 problem. To sum it up,
Due to
 two main reasons that I mentioned in
this
 essay, I totally agree that these days, especially, the
old
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 generation,
besides
, to give some more responsibility, they need to
gain
Verb problem
do
show examples
 some educational research and pay some money
due to
 facilities to avoid from being remiss person.
Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on

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task achievement
Expand further on specific examples and relevant data to strengthen your argument. For instance, you can mention specific statistics or case studies reflecting environmental neglect.
task achievement
Use clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph has one clear idea or topic sentence that is developed throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and sentences for better flow. For example, use linking words such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'As a result,' to make your writing smoother.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph logically follows the previous one, maintaining a clear structure. Start with the introduction, followed by body paragraphs providing supporting evidence, and conclude with a summarizing paragraph.
general
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve readability. For example, instead of 'people is not worry enough,' it should be 'people are not worried enough'.
coherence cohesion
Include a more clearly defined introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should state the problem and your stance, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a viewpoint on whether people care enough about environmental issues. The argument is laid out clearly.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover different aspects of the topic with reasoning and examples, which shows an understanding of the multifaceted nature of environmental issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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