Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Although
males and females may gifted with different kinds of advantages which can
aim
Verb problem
help
show examples
them in preparing for the college entrance test. But the outcomes depend on how hard you
study
and how much effort you put into your work regardless of your
gender
. From my perspective, I disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
approach that colleges set up
a quotas
Correct the article-noun agreement
a quota
quotas
show examples
of sexual proportion. Choosing the course of
study
means so much to every student, those who got the higher scores can select the course of
study
first.
Nevertheless
, if the colleges implement the rules that require equal numbers of boys and girls in certain programs, pathetically, it may be an obstacle for people who had a better academic performance on the test but can't
study
in their preferred subjects
while
others may gain admission solely based on
gender
quotas. The equality that universities want to create may lead to another form of inequality. There is an example that happened in my life, I
study
diplomacy, a field with a notable
gender
imbalance, it is apparent that the number of female
students
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more than that of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
but it doesn't influence any aspects of our relationship and the classes content, the
gender
ratio is largely determined by
students
' interests and inclinations, rather than an arbitrary quota. If there should be an administration that allows universities to make
an
Change the article
a
show examples
more equal environment, they should prioritize
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
circumstances of
students
, including their mental and physical health,
as well as
the financial background of their families,
Students
facing
such
challenges should receive special consideration to ensure they can access college opportunities like their peers without being disadvantaged by their circumstances. In summary, university admission qualifications should be based on
students
' performance, achieved through hard work, rather than their
gender
.
Students
should not be limited by the conditions of their birth.
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task response
To improve the task response, make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and develop it consistently throughout the essay. Providing more relevant specific examples and making sure each point is fully explained can help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Additionally, make sure that all main points are well-supported and link back to the main argument.
language use
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity and precision in expressing your ideas. Avoid minor errors and refine your sentence structure for higher clarity.
task response
The essay provides a clear stance against the idea of gender quotas in university admissions, which is consistently developed throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay, providing a solid structure to the argument.
task response
Good use of a personal example to illustrate the point about gender imbalance not affecting the learning environment or relationships among students.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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