IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #differences #home #country #sceneries #places #world #similarities
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In the past,
people
Use synonyms
 planned a vacation to see a completely new scenery.
However
Linking Words
, the differences are no longer available as many
countries
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 have similar scenery in today's world.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these
similarities
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 and I believe that it offers more advantages to
vast
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the vast
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 majority of
people
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 rather than disadvantages. The rise
of
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in
show examples
 population in many
countries
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 in the world increases the need
of
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for
show examples
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 to live in. As there are only limited spaces to construct new buildings, many of them are built like skyscrapers to maximize the use of the space. The higher the building, the more
people
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 have a place to call home.
As a result
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,
countries
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 are becoming similar as they construct concrete
jungle
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jungles
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 to provide homes for a
big
Correct word choice
large
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 number of
people
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. Asian
countries
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such
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 as China, South Korea and Japan are
the
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apply
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prime examples of cities
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 offer similar landscapes as they are filled with tall buildings which are mainly apartment
complex
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complexes
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.
Although
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 the lack of differences in scenery seems to bring disadvantages to travellers, these growing
similarities
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 between nations are actually a result of excessive population density. The tall apartment buildings are constructed to provide homes for
people
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. Every person living in a country needs a place to live in and they have the right to feel the comfort of a home.
Therefore
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, these
similarities
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 bring more benefits to
vast
Add an article
the vast
show examples
 majority of
people
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, especially those who are permanent residents of the country. In conclusion, the main cause of the landscape
similarities
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inbetween
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between
countries
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 is the high demand
of
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for
show examples
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 and I believe that the number of
people
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 who get the advantages of the
similarities
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 is bigger than
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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 who get disadvantages.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer and more detailed thesis statement in the introduction to better outline what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the points more thoroughly with additional examples or explanations to enhance the essay's depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear start and wrap-up to the discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, such as the mention of countries like China, South Korea, and Japan.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Homogenization
  • Architectural uniformity
  • Cultural exchange
  • International brands
  • Tourism industry
  • Urban design
  • Economic development
  • Proliferation of media
  • Cultural norms
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