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Band 5

In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #differences #home #country #sceneries #places #world #similarities
In the past,
people
 planned a vacation to see a completely new scenery.
However
, the differences are no longer available as many
countries
 have similar scenery in today's world.
This
 essay discusses the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these
similarities
 and I believe that it offers more advantages to
vast
Add an article
the vast
show examples
 majority of
people
 rather than disadvantages. The rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 population in many
countries
 in the world increases the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 to live in. As there are only limited spaces to construct new buildings, many of them are built like skyscrapers to maximize the use of the space. The higher the building, the more
people
 have a place to call home.
As a result
,
countries
 are becoming similar as they construct concrete
jungle
Fix the agreement mistake
jungles
show examples
 to provide homes for a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of
people
. Asian
countries
such
 as China, South Korea and Japan are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prime examples of cities
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 offer similar landscapes as they are filled with tall buildings which are mainly apartment
complex
Fix the agreement mistake
complexes
show examples
.
Although
 the lack of differences in scenery seems to bring disadvantages to travellers, these growing
similarities
 between nations are actually a result of excessive population density. The tall apartment buildings are constructed to provide homes for
people
. Every person living in a country needs a place to live in and they have the right to feel the comfort of a home.
Therefore
, these
similarities
 bring more benefits to
vast
Add an article
the vast
show examples
 majority of
people
, especially those who are permanent residents of the country. In conclusion, the main cause of the landscape
similarities
inbetween
Correct your spelling
between
countries
 is the high demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 and I believe that the number of
people
 who get the advantages of the
similarities
 is bigger than
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who get disadvantages.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer and more detailed thesis statement in the introduction to better outline what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the points more thoroughly with additional examples or explanations to enhance the essay's depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear start and wrap-up to the discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, such as the mention of countries like China, South Korea, and Japan.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Homogenization
  • Architectural uniformity
  • Cultural exchange
  • International brands
  • Tourism industry
  • Urban design
  • Economic development
  • Proliferation of media
  • Cultural norms
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