IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that animals are a necessary part of the diet. What is your opinion?

#people #animals #food #part #diet
It is true that several individuals, especially vegetarians believe eating
meat
 is violence. To a certain extent, I agree with them,
however
, including
meat
 in diets is crucial to live healthy lives. Eating
meat
 has been a natural convention for a long time. Inside meats,
such
 as porks, cows or ducks, they provide abundant nutrients including protein which enhances human muscles well.
For example
, it is easy to find athletes trying to take protein from meats regularly.
Although
 it is possible to take proteins without having
meat
,
meat
 has a higher quality of proteins than other foods that can be taken relatively easily in various ways. Focusing on animal
rights
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 human diets, vegetarians suggest
meat
 could be replaced by other foods. Beans,
for instance
, have a considerable amount of proteins and fats that are in high-quality supplements.
Furthermore
, animals for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human meals are grown in poor conditions even with severe hygiene.
This
 is no doubt that feeding them in
this
 environment ignores animal
rights
 in certain perspectives. In conclusion, enhancing animal
rights
 is as important as human
rights
,
however
, people need to develop their living conditions
instead
 of prohibiting having whole kinds of
meat
.
Submitted by susie0104 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, your essay should support main ideas more effectively with coherent development and more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical progression, but the organization could be improved to make connections between ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay raises relevant points for both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities involved.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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