Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
people
are gradually
awared
Correct your spelling
aware
of the high levels of
sugar
consumption, which is not healthy at all, leading to the argument that sugary
products
should cost more to decrease the
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
of
sugar
. In my view, I agree with
this
method to prevent
people
from over-consumption of
sugar
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
-related
products
are becoming more expensive, there may be some
objection
Fix the agreement mistake
objections
show examples
. Because it is difficult to live without
sugar
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
provides
people
energy and pleasure.
For example
, after school, parents tend to prepare snacks,
such
as cake or
cookie
Fix the agreement mistake
cookies
show examples
before eating dinner, which are quite sugary but popular
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
. In
this
way, the expense of each household may increase
due to
the
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
price of sugary
products
, showing the possible disagreement.
However
, in my opinion, it is a smart way to change
people
's eating habits.
First,
people
can find some substitute for their snacks.
For instance
,
sugar
-free drinks or healthy vegetable and
fruitt
Correct your spelling
fruit
fruits
can
the
Add a missing verb
do the
show examples
same work as a
dissert
Correct your spelling
dessert
show examples
, which may even provide more energy than sugary
products
. At the same time,
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
people
from obesity, especially
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children who are in their growing period.
In addition
, the expensive cost may reduce the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
sugarary
Correct your spelling
sugar
food
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
the supply.
While
the suppliers cannot make money from
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
products
, they may start to produce and sell healthier food, which is better for
people
's health. In conclusion, I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
the price of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
should become more expensive
that
Correct word choice
because
show examples
it can reduce many health problems by
chaning
Correct your spelling
changing
people
's
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
and altering the
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
of suppliers.
Submitted by lovesonya0227 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph's main idea is clearly explained and supported with sufficient detail. For instance, provide more specific examples or studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words and phrases such as 'consequently', 'as a result', or 'moreover' can help with this.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction successfully presents the topic and states your opinion clearly.
complete response
The essay stays on topic and addresses the question directly.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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