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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?

#people #work #study #countries #phenomenon #situation
A lot of young
people
 are going to study or
work
 in other countries for many reasons, they may
looking
Change the verb form
look
be looking
show examples
 for a better future or trying to earn more money.
However
, I believe there is a negative
effects
Change the noun form
effect
show examples
 but
also
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
positive
effectus
Correct your spelling
effects
 on their lives and their
country
. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 hand, leaving to
country
 for study or
work
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
, the
people
 looking for a good university to have a great education so they can
work
 in
a big companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
big companies
a big company
show examples
 and increase their income.
For example
,
Amercia
Correct your spelling
America
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a good medical education,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 many
studeins
Correct your spelling
students
 come there to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excellent doctor, so after that they can back to their
country
 and help their
people
.
Moreover
, deciding to
work
 or study outside the
country
 will improve the young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 and make them more
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
,
also
 they can
exhance
Correct your spelling
enhance
exchange
 their knowledge.
On the other hand
, we young
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 leave their
country
, it can
effects
Change the verb form
effect
show examples
 badly on their
counries
Correct your spelling
countries
, as there will be
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of young
people
 and as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of that it can
also
 be a deficiency in the
number's
Change noun form
number
show examples
 of
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
, and the economy of the
country
 can fall apart.
For instance
, in
Egypt
Add a comma
Egypt,
show examples
 there is a lack of
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
employees that
work
 in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because a lot of
dotors
Correct your spelling
doctors
doors
 travel to another
country
 to
work
 there.
Thearfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, the
country
 should
work
 on the
soulation
Correct your spelling
solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 problem, so the young
people
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 leave it. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 positive and
neagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 sides, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the students and worker the improve their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and a have significant experience, but
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a
neagativily
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact on their
country
.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, work on linking sentences within paragraphs more effectively. Use more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Spend time proofreading your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence construction. This will help make your ideas clearer and more impactful.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to strengthen your main points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative effects.
Coherence & Cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present, which helps to frame the essay and gives it a clear structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Interconnected
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Research facilities
  • Career advancement
  • International experience
  • Resume
  • Cultural exchange
  • Immerse
  • Broaden worldviews
  • Economic factors
  • Unemployment
  • Quality of life
  • Standards of living
  • Healthcare
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