IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Young people are often influenced in their behavior by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh advantages?

#people #behavior #age #group #argue #peer #pressure
The maps provide key information about the enhancement across a period of time.
Overall
, it is clear from the maps that there were many various developments and added new features in three years.
In addition
, in 2000, the town
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
demonstrated a significant improvement ,
whereas
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 1900, there were only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
four
placed
Replace the word
places
show examples
 in areas
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tourism people.
According to
 what is shown, in 1950, Roads and Rivers
still
Add a missing verb
were still
show examples
 available and replaced the Dairy with Lemons & Grapefruit.
Moreover
, they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
added two Oranges
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
and they expanded the Town Area to involve more people. In terms of 2000, as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned before, the Rivers and Roads were still there and they had
reduce
Change the verb form
reduced
show examples
 the space of
Town
Correct article usage
the Town
show examples
 Area to putting
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Park beside the Road. The map was
depict
Wrong verb form
depicted
show examples
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
larger enhanced and improved to be
able
Correct word choice
accessible
show examples
 for visitors. As you see, they were provided
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
Tourist shop and Local Museum. Eventually, they
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
switched Lemons & Grapefruit with the Wildlife
Scantuary
Correct your spelling
Sanctuary
.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and punctuation to improve clarity.
Coherence
Ensure consistency in tenses for a more coherent narrative.
Summary
Good attempt at summarizing the main changes and developments over the given period.
Language Use
Uses comparative language effectively to highlight key differences between the maps.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: