Some poeple think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, some
people
are thinking that young age
is the delightful days of their life
. Others believe adult life
is more happiness
due to
greater responsibilities. In this
essay, we will discuss about
Remove the preposition
apply
the
both views
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, people
are
really Verb problem
apply
thinking
that Wrong verb form
think
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
is
Verb problem
years are
happiest
days of their Correct article usage
the happiest
life
because they do not think about much
things like roles and responsibilities in their job. Correct quantifier usage
many
For instance
, one of my cousin
Fix the agreement mistake
cousins
he
believes Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
his Change preposition
that
young
Correct article usage
a young
age
, he could active
in sports and adventures. Nobody can impose, we can live like a free bird. Add a missing verb
be active
Additionally
, in world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
scientists
Fix the agreement mistake
scientist
Mr.
Richard has Change the punctuation
Mr
been
announced in a recent news article about Unnecessary verb
apply
teenage
, at Correct your spelling
teenagers
Very
young Add an article
a Very
age
the
children are very happiest in the world so Correct article usage
apply
this
statement becomes more positive.
On the other hand
, some of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
believes
that children after becoming Change the verb form
believe
adults
is
the happiest in the world Change the verb form
are
due to
having great thinking of
ideas and exploring new things. Change preposition
apply
For example
, People
after education, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
engaged
in their work and Wrong verb form
engage
getting
updated and Wrong verb form
get
making
new developments in their organization Wrong verb form
make
so
Correct word choice
apply
that
gives them more Correct pronoun usage
which
delightful
. Replace the word
delight
Furthermore
, adults
can make the right decision especially
cast Add the comma(s)
, especially
vote
. Even thoughCorrect article usage
a vote
,
Remove the comma
apply
adults
can apply the driving
Replace the word
driver
license
, applying loans, and Fix the agreement mistake
licenses
also
a marriage
Replace the word
married
so
Correct word choice
apply
this
age
is really good for everything and it give
more Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
happiness
To conclude
, some of the people
are believes
Change the verb form
believe
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
gives
more Correct subject-verb agreement
give
happiness
others believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
adults
gives
happier. In my opinion, I would recommend Change the verb form
give
people
, who becomes
Change the verb form
become
adults
is
the right Correct subject-verb agreement
are
one
to achieve more things in their career and Correct pronoun usage
ones
life
and it gives success with happiness
.Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on
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task achievement
Try to refine the introduction to clearly state both views you will discuss. This will set a clearer framework for your essay.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are relevant and effectively support your points. Try to provide specific and detailed examples as evidence.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow and structure of your essay. Ensure there are clear transitions between points to maintain coherence and smooth progression.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraphing. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, supported with relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, restate the main points more clearly and ensure it effectively summarizes the arguments discussed.
task achievement
You have addressed both views in your essay, which is a good approach for this task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in organizing your thoughts.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to provide examples to support your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?