IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

The question of the most pressing environmental issue of the current times has sparked the debate, with some asserting that
Use synonyms
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of certain animal
species
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 has led to
this
Linking Words
 situation,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that broader ecological problems should take precedence.
Although
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 it is evident that the cooperation of versatile
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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harms
Wrong verb form
harm
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 to environment more than
extinction
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, I will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
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both sides of
controversy
Add an article
the controversy
show examples
 in detail. On one side of the argument,
Use synonyms
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of animal
species
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 poses significant threats to
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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 and biodiversity. Each solitary alive creature on
planet
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the planet
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 has its own role in
food
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the food
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 chain. When one animal
species
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 vanishes, turbulence in the number of another
species
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that is
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 alive may occur as it would be food
of
Change preposition
for
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 the other.
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Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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this
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 man-made chaos in nature brings disorder
in
Change preposition
to
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equilibrium
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the equilibrium
an equilibrium
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 of the world.
Conversely
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, there are other factors that cooperate with
extinction
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 to devastate the environment. These are issues like air pollution, global warming, deforestation etc. Starting with global warming, global warming is the immediate result of air pollution. A lot of noxious gases are emitted daily from factories or exhaust fumes.
As a result
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, the earth is unable to breathe properly and the temperature of it soars increasingly.
Furthermore
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, there are a lot of operations of logging and forest destruction going on these days which undermines the capacity
of absorbing
Change preposition
to absorb
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 the emitted
carbondioxide
Correct your spelling
carbon dioxide
. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 the
extinction
Use synonyms
 of
species
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 is concerning, the broader environmental challenges should take priority. By recognizing the most pressing ones from the aforementioned issues and setting about tackling them we can resolve the environmental problem and guarantee a better future for us and the next generations.

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task achievement
Make sure to use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transition words and phrases effectively. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay question are addressed in equal detail. This will make your response more comprehensive and balanced.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and provides a strong closing statement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and your intent to discuss both sides.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed two opposing viewpoints, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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