There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that non-academic
school
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subjects
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like cookery and physical education should be excluded from the
school
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curriculum, because of the intense pressure which is about accomplish academically on teenagers and make them fully focus on
school
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work. It is totally
disagreed
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disagree
show examples
with that opinion because pupils can release their stress owing to
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of
subjects
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and they are necessary for
manintaining
Correct your spelling
maintaining
their daily
life
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. On account of gradually increasing competition and difficult
lessons
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at
school
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, adolescents are under much pressure in their academic
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some recreational classes
such
Linking Words
as cookery and physical education can contribute to
mitigate
Wrong verb form
mitigating
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that situation and
let
Wrong verb form
letting
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off their steam.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can cope with their anxiety and become more successful
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
academic
subjects
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
Pew
Correct article usage
the Pew
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research center's
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Research Center's
show examples
study on
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
achievement level of youngsters revealed that 80% of students who attend non-academic classes are more
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
than others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, non-academic classes are included in the
school
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syllabus because they are crucial for preparing
real
Change preposition
for real
show examples
life
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. Juniors should be taught how they are able to
remain
Verb problem
maintain
show examples
their daily
life
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by some
lessons
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such
Linking Words
as cookery and home economics. To illustrate that, SurveyMonkey.com conducted a survey in 2022 and highlighted that senior people use their knowledge about
life
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skills
thay
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that
they learned from their
school
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subjects
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. In conclusion, non-academic
lessons
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ought to be in the
school
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curriculum in order to provide some leisure time
teenagers
Change preposition
for teenagers
show examples
to get away from their stress and responsibilities.
Also
Linking Words
, those
lessons
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are necessary to improve their
life
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skills.
Submitted by silaaltundag5 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument before stating your position. This will help set up a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors. For instance, 'succesfull' should be 'successful' and 'manintaining' should be 'maintaining'.
task achievement
Try to include more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to show a broader range of language skills.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow between ideas. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task with strong arguments supporting the importance of non-academic subjects.
task achievement
Good use of examples and data to support the main points, such as the Pew research center's study and the SurveyMonkey survey.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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