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Band 4.5

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

#years #rise #performance #drugs #sports #consequences #athletes #measures #combat
Increasing modernization in today's world has not only positive impacts but there are many negative impacts that are affecting in different sectors where increasing in the use of
drungs
Correct your spelling
drugs
 by many people
specially
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especially
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 in the sector of sports
also
 can be seen.It is undeniable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
an increament
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increament
Correct your spelling
increase
 in the consumption of
Add an article
the drug
show examples
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
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 is one of the current issues in sports. In
this
 essay, the issues and measures will be unveiled and the visible way will be expressed. We live in an age where many of us are ambitious and
wants
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want
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 to achieve the
desire
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desired
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 results instant by hook or crook. In my opinion, the use
Change preposition
of drungs
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drungs
Correct your spelling
drugs
 for enhancing performance in sports has main two consequences.
Firstly
, players who use drugs
for enhancing
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to enhance
show examples
 their
game
 can get different kinds of health
problem
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problems
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 after sometimes by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular consumption as they are made up of
chemical
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chemicals
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.
Secondly
,
althletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 cannot control their mind.
This
 is because the habit of doping slowly can
effect
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affect
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Correct article usage
the
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whole body including their immune power as it has
high
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a high
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doze
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dose
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 of chemical reaction in it.
As a result
, athletes can have different
disorder
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disorders
show examples
 with the consumption of drugs.
For example
,
having
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having to
show examples
 pave drugs and playing in the
game
 can hamper their
game
 as in
this
 situation there is a high chance to be
subconcious
Correct your spelling
subconscious
 or
unconcious
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unconscious
 that athletes can lose control
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their games. Taking everything into consideration,there should be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict rules and
regulation
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regulations
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 not to consume
drug
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drugs
show examples
 during the games. Each player's medical
check up
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check-up
show examples
 should be done so that it will be clear whether plays are normal or not and there won't be any health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 during the
game
.
Submitted by ali.gyawali on

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task achievement
The essay needs to address both parts of the question - the consequences and measures more clearly. Currently, there is more focus on the consequences, but the measures are not elaborated sufficiently.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to structure the essay more logically, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, consequences, measures, and conclusion. This will make your argument flow more clearly and logically.
lexical resource
Improve the variety and accuracy of your vocabulary. Some of the words are wrongly used, and improvements in vocabulary would significantly enhance clarity and impact.
grammar
Grammar needs attention - there are numerous mistakes throughout the essay. Work on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to avoid these errors.
task achievement
The essay topic is relevant and the writer shows a clear understanding of the topic by addressing some important consequences of doping in sports.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, summarizing the necessity of strict rules and regulations to combat doping in sports.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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