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Band 4.5

•Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

#•nowadays #people #lives #cities #government #life
These days,
poeple's
Correct your spelling
people's
 lifestyles are so varied from the past;
moreover
, the number of facilities and devices
improve
Wrong verb form
is improving
show examples
, but today,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
whi
Correct your spelling
who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the
cities
 do not
enjoyable
Replace the word
enjoy
show examples
 times.
This
 essay discusses the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 happen and how authorities are able to solve it.
This
 matter like the others
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 several items that make it
such
 as less free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 and living in
cities
 is really stressful. On the one hand,
metropolices
Correct your spelling
metropolises
metropolis
 are the area
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 communities have to spend most of their
time
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 and
tarvel
Correct your spelling
travel
 to
work
 and less
time
four
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 themselves owing to the fact that these areas have a majority of inhabitants that need to go to the car;
hence
, in rush
Correct your spelling
hour
hours
houre
Add a comma
houre,
show examples
 you have to spend a lot of
time
 in
traffic
Add an article
a traffic
the traffic
show examples
 jam and these regions facilities are too much and for every
time
, so a lot of people have to spend the whole times on the
work
 for having good incomes. On the
otehr
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, if you live in
cities
, you have
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 really quick
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 all the
work
 that you have; in fact, it is important that you very hurry
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
work
 to do all the items that you need doing them in a day;
consequently
, your level of stress climb.
This
 question can be solved by governments when they invest money in transportation systems and electronic services. On the one side, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 really fast, societies won't spend a great deal of
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling;
as a result
, they will
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 leisure
time
. On the other side,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic services are the best choice for all citizens inasmuch as they do not
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 spend a lot of not only
time
 but
also
 money on going to the public
palce
Correct your spelling
places
such
 as
Add an article
a bank
show examples
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
show examples
, paying taxes and so on;
additionally
, they can do
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
work
 online
an
Replace the word
and
show examples
 the traffic consumption
declin
Correct your spelling
decline
.
To sum up
, living in the
cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the best selection when
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good free
time
 with less
anxierty
Correct your spelling
anxiety
;
furthermore
,
these
Change the determiner
this evidance
show examples
evidance
Correct your spelling
evidence
evidences
 will
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
show examples
 when the governments fund
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 projects.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, focus on providing more specific and relevant examples that directly support your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more clearly and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Attend to some grammar and spelling issues, such as 'poeple' which should be 'people', and 'metroplies' which should be 'metropolises'. These small errors can make your essay less professional.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Work on creating clearer topic sentences and linking words to improve the flow and connectivity of your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive overview of the reasons why life in cities can be stressful and unfulfilling, as well as some actionable solutions that the government can implement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are present and clear, providing a good structure to your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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