IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #smoker #places
In recent years, an increase in awareness of the harmful influence of smoking has been observed.
As a result
, many people demand to ban smoking in public areas,
while
 others claim that it would be a too radical step. Each of these views has both pros and cons. A lack of permission to
smoke
 in public has many significant benefits. First and foremost, it would limit the occasions for smokers to
smoke
. Many of them reach for cigarettes in their free time,
for instance
,
while
 going to the shop or to work; if
such
 behaviour had been prohibited, they wouldn't have had so many opportunities to
smoke
.
Furthermore
, it would
also
 have a positive impact on their environment. Many individuals, especially non-smokers, suffer from
cigarettes
Change the noun form
cigarette
show examples
smoke
 in public areas as it may cause harm;
consequently
, a ban on smoking would make the surroundings more friendly for everyone.
On the other hand
, there have been relevant drawbacks too. The most significant of them is the fact that
such
 a ban won't help smokers quit. Individuals who
smoke
 are usually addicted to it,
thus
, a prohibition in public places will not contribute to support them in their fight against the addiction.
Therefore
,
such
 a law would be created only for the non-smoking part of society, disregarding the smoking ones, who need help to overcome addiction. In conclusion, I don't fully agree with the statement that smoking in public areas should be prohibited.
Although
 it can have a positive impact on the environment
as well as
 limit the occasions for smokers to
smoke
, it is not created to help them overcome their addiction, which should be done
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first instance.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in referring to smoking and smokers, as minor variations might cause slight confusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, offering a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
The main ideas are well-presented and generally well-supported, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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