In todays world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
present time,
people
spend a lot of money on the way they appear. Some of them pay to look younger and others pay to look thinner and muscular. It is agreed
this
has a negative
develpment
Correct your spelling
development
for
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
body.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
essay, will discuss why some individuals have been doing
operations
that will harm their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
in the future.
Firstly
, with current
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
in almost every aspect, especially in medicine and education,
people
are choosing the easy path to
looks
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
like
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their youth. Which is consent to have
operations
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
parts of their body
such
as
face
Correct article usage
the face
show examples
and belly. One of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
behind
this
is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
confidince
Correct your spelling
confidence
. Another reason why
people
do
this
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
they are lazy to go to the gym and eat healthy food.
Moreover
, some teenagers have
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
some
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
in the way they look because they want to resemble their celebrity.
Therefore
,
instead
of spending money
traying
Correct your spelling
trying
show examples
to appear young, they should do some
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
daily and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a good lifestyle.
Secondly
,
although
looking younger and healthier by
operations
can make the person gain trust and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
temprorly
Correct your spelling
temporarily
temporally
encouragment
Correct your spelling
encouragement
, it will affect them with time
dut
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
to poor results of
this
part of medicine.
Studys
Correct your spelling
Studies
have shown that esthetic
operations
like injection filler and silicon to the lips and cheeks will decline the sense of feeling in these areas.
As a result
,
people
tend to avoid it these days.
To sum up
, the disadvantages of
people
spending a lot of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
products and
operations
to look younger
outwight
Correct your spelling
outwit
outright
outweigh
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
advantages.
This
trend will not stop in the future but the community
hope
Correct subject-verb agreement
hopes
show examples
technology will solve some of its issues.
Submitted by 361109698 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy to avoid common mistakes such as subject-verb agreement and word choice.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enrich your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately and presents a clear standpoint.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are logically organized into paragraphs and flow reasonably well.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Youthful appearance
  • Societal norms
  • Media influence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Professional competition
  • Health and wellness
  • Cosmetic enhancements
  • Medical technology
  • Anti-aging products
  • Invest in appearance
  • Beauty standards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: