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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries worldwide, men and women have children at a later age than in the past. What are the reasons for this development? What are the effects on society and family life?

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In recent years, having kids
at
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in
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 a later part of life has become increasingly common in many countries.
This
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 shift can be attributed to several factors, including changing societal norms and the pursuit of professional development. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will delve
some
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into some
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 reasons
of
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for
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this
Linking Words
 and try to look at the impact on
family’s
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family
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relationship
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relationships
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 and
society
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 as a whole.
To begin
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 with, prioritizing education and career advancement is a prominent reason for delaying parenthood. To put it another way, not only do people seek higher qualifications before starting a family, but they
also
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 aim to establish a stable financial foundation.
For instance
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, women often pursue careers that demand significant time and commitment,
such
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 as medical
degree
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degrees
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 leading them to postpone childbearing.
Furthermore
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, experiencing increased financial stability before having children can
also
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 be beneficial for families.
Additionally
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, changing gender roles
have
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has
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 contributed to the delay in parenting. As women increasingly take on leadership roles and compete in the workforce, traditional expectations of early marriage and motherhood are transformed. Men are
also
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 taking more active roles in childcare, leading to a more equitable division of responsibilities.
Consequently
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,
this
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 focus on personal achievement allows parents to offer better opportunities for their children in the long run. And
also
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, gender’s evolution fosters a more balanced approach to family life.
While
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 childbearing at a later age may have some benefits, it can
also
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 bring challenges for
society
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 and family dynamics
Firstly
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,
this
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 can lead to a demographic shift, resulting in an aging population. With fewer young people entering the workforce, there may be implications for economic growth and the sustainability of social services.
For example
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,
this
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 is putting a strain on the pension system.
Secondly
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, having children later can create generational gaps that may challenge family cohesion. Not only do older parents often have different perspectives and expectations, but they may
also
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 face difficulties associated with
aging
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ageing
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,
such
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 as health issues like dementia during parenting years.
As a result
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,
society
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 can face
with
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apply
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many issues
such
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 as
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
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ageing
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 population,
negative
Correct word choice
and negative
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changing
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changes
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 in family structures. In conclusion, the trend of delaying parenthood is influenced by various factors,
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however
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however,
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 it
also
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 has negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
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 both
society
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 and family life. Striking a balance between personal aspirations and family responsibilities will be crucial for future generations.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the flow and structure of your essay, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly connects to the thesis statement. This will help in maintaining coherence across the essay.
coherence cohesion
When introducing points, consider using more varied transitions and linking phrases to ease the reader through your arguments. This will enhance the readability and cohesiveness of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are specific and directly illustrate the point being made. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. While they don’t drastically affect the overall meaning, polishing these aspects will enhance clarity and professionalism.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents a clear introduction that sets up the argument effectively, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your points well.
supported main points
You have successfully incorporated various relevant points and examples to support your arguments, displaying a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented in your essay are clear and comprehensive, reflecting a good grasp of the factors influencing delayed parenthood and its effects.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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