What makes people feel insecure to change their career? and is it possible to stay in only company in their entire life?

In recent years, many
people
have
pleasanted
Correct your spelling
pleasant
to
work
at the same
company
for a long time. Personally, I insist that there are many reasons that
people
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
change
their jobs and it is possible if individuals
work
in only
company
all of their life: support will be illustrated in the following paragraphs: First and foremost, some workers feel unstable if they need to
change
their jobs and new organizations. In several companies,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
are different systems and
procedure
Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
show examples
to manage tasks. When
people
entire
Correct your spelling
enter
show examples
to
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
job, they need to adjust their perspective
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
along with
values
Correct article usage
the values
show examples
of business;
in addition
, some
people
are unable to get
along with
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
society. When they
change
to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
organization, they need to learn the personalities of
people
in that
place
.
Therefore
, most
people
feel it
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
a risk to be unable to get
along with
new
company
and new colleagues. When
people
feel comfortable to stay in the
company
, they will be able to
works
Change the verb
work
show examples
at the same
place
over their whole life. Some
people
feel safe
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
familiar society. They have many friends in the
company
and can get
along with
their boss
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
their tasks--leading to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
can achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
their goals.
Moreover
, the
saraly
Correct your spelling
salary
of employees
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increased every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
in several companies. When over the years, most organizations will increase the monthly of their
loboures
Correct your spelling
labourers
labours
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
by the profit of
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
.
As a result
, individuals feel safe in their comfort zone and comfortable
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
in the only
place
. As I mentioned, when
people
need to
change
their occupations, they will be insecure. Especially, the risks of new society and new tasks.
Therefore
, many
people
have satisfacted to
work
at the same
place
rather than move the companies.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, clearly addressing both questions. However, you could strengthen your response by providing more specific examples and evidence to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, there are areas where the language can be improved for clarity and comprehension. For example, phrases such as 'pleasanted to work' and 'satisfacted to work' are not accurate; consider revising these to more appropriate expressions.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat coherent, but some transitions and connections between paragraphs could be smoother. Aim to make your arguments flow more naturally from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing your main points more effectively and succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Though you have supported your main points, there's room for deeper development of ideas. Adding more detailed examples or case studies could help illustrate your points better.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear response to both questions. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The presence of an introduction and a conclusion helps to frame your discussion and provide structure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have included main points and attempted to support them with reasoning, which demonstrates an effort to create a convincing argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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