What makes people feel insecure to change their career? and is it possible to stay in only company in their entire life?
In recent years, many
people
have pleasanted
to Correct your spelling
pleasant
work
at the same company
for a long time. Personally, I insist that there are many reasons that people
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
change
their jobs and it is possible if individuals work
in only company
all of their life: support will be illustrated in the following paragraphs:
First and foremost, some workers feel unstable if they need to change
their jobs and new organizations. In several companies, they
are different systems and Correct pronoun usage
there
procedure
to manage tasks. When Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
people
entire
to Correct your spelling
enter
new
job, they need to adjust their perspective Add an article
a new
to
Change preposition
apply
along with
values
of business; Correct article usage
the values
in addition
, some people
are unable to get along with
new
society. When they Correct article usage
the new
change
to new
organization, they need to learn the personalities of Add an article
a new
the new
people
in that place
. Therefore
, most people
feel it have
a risk to be unable to get Verb problem
is
along with
new company
and new colleagues.
When people
feel comfortable to stay in the company
, they will be able to works
at the same Change the verb
work
place
over their whole life. Some people
feel safe to do
Change the verb form
doing
job
Correct article usage
a job
with
Change preposition
in
the
familiar society. They have many friends in the Correct article usage
a
company
and can get along with
their boss that
Correct pronoun usage
which
make
Change the verb form
makes
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
to do
their tasks--leading to Change the verb form
doing
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
can achieve
their goals. Wrong verb form
achieving
Moreover
, the saraly
of employees Correct your spelling
salary
are
increased every Change the verb form
is
years
in several companies. When over the years, most organizations will increase the monthly of their Change to a singular noun
year
loboures
Correct your spelling
labourers
labours
following
by the profit of Wrong verb form
followed
business
. Add an article
the business
As a result
, individuals feel safe in their comfort zone and comfortable to
Change the verb form
working
work
in the only place
.
As I mentioned, when people
need to change
their occupations, they will be insecure. Especially, the risks of new society and new tasks. Therefore
, many people
have satisfacted to work
at the same place
rather than move the companies.Submitted by jeebjib14 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, clearly addressing both questions. However, you could strengthen your response by providing more specific examples and evidence to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, there are areas where the language can be improved for clarity and comprehension. For example, phrases such as 'pleasanted to work' and 'satisfacted to work' are not accurate; consider revising these to more appropriate expressions.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat coherent, but some transitions and connections between paragraphs could be smoother. Aim to make your arguments flow more naturally from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing your main points more effectively and succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Though you have supported your main points, there's room for deeper development of ideas. Adding more detailed examples or case studies could help illustrate your points better.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear response to both questions. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The presence of an introduction and a conclusion helps to frame your discussion and provide structure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have included main points and attempted to support them with reasoning, which demonstrates an effort to create a convincing argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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