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Band 2.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences.Others, however, believe better education in crime is the key. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #education
Whilst some
people
 think that the best way to lessen crime is to give longer prison sentences, others believe that educating
people
 about the consequences of doing
crimes
 is the key to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the increasing number of
crimes
.
However
,both of them will
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 to not expose themselves
in doing
Verb problem
to
show examples
 different
crimes
. First and foremost,I believe that extending the number of years of a person who committed
crimes
 is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
unhumane
Correct your spelling
inhumane
unhuman
 act. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their committed
crimes
, they should not be punished longer
thanit
Correct your spelling
than it
 should be,
instead
 give them a chance to change for betterment,not only for themselves but
also
 for their community. Aside from that,not all
people
 who
found
Add a missing verb
are found
show examples
 guilty
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing
crimes
 are not criminals at all, as some may done criminal acts without choices.
Secondly
, giving better education in crime would be beneficial for every one of us as it will
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 us
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 idea of the consequences it may occur in doing heinous
crimes
.
In addition
 to that, it will broaden our knowledge and horizon to not engage ourselves in committing
crimes
. In conclusion, I believe that educating
people
 is the best key to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
crimes
 in our community.
Submitted by rodadoctor2 on

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task achievement
While you presented both views, your points could be stronger with more specific examples or evidence to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is generally easy to follow, ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, reinforcing your main points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structures to improve clarity; for instance, the correct use of articles (e.g., 'a' and 'an') and prepositions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your views effectively.
task achievement
You succeed in presenting a well-rounded discussion by considering both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion, which gives a strong closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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