IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that social network sites such as face book have had a huge negative on both individuals and society. To what extend do agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that social
media
Use synonyms
 have good and bad side.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
people
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 may have gotten
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
 because of social apps, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that everything in life even social
media
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 good and bad
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 you are the one who
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
 it.
To begin
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 with, sitting alone every day facing the screen will have a bad effect in the future. It is
also
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 possible to say that, your eyes can not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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bear many hours on the screen because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
O3 it is bad for the eyes.
In addition
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, you will face weird
people
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 on social
media
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.
For example
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, I know someone who sits all day on social
media
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, he became
weird
Correct article usage
a weird
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 person because of
this
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, chatting with guys bigger than him and younger than him, that's not good. Another point to consider, all of your family will nearly forget you if you just stand on social
media
Use synonyms
 all day.
In other words
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, mostly you will lose your friends and family if you want to encounter the screen.
Moreover
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, there is a chance for you to meet good guys.
For instance
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, most of my friends are
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 friends, I really love them very much they are loyal and good as a
persons
Correct the article-noun agreement
person
show examples
, but it is hard to find
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this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
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 of
people
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 because the
internet
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 is like a sea you can find good but the rest is
is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
junky. In conclusion, despite
people
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have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 different views, I tend to believe that the
internet
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a small good side but the most
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 bad.

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task response
1. Review the differences between independent and dependent clauses to improve sentence structure. This will help you to clearly convey your ideas. 2. Avoid using informal language like 'weird' and 'junky' in academic essays. Instead, use formal and precise language to ensure clarity and professionalism. 3. Provide more specific examples to support your points, and try to elaborate on how these examples relate to your overall argument in more depth.
coherence and cohesion
1. Try to enhance your use of transition words and phrases to better guide your readers through your argument. This will help in creating a smoother flow of ideas. 2. Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and that this idea is explicitly linked back to your central argument. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
overall
1. Focus on structuring each paragraph around a clear, single idea. Ensure topic sentences are strong and that supporting sentences directly explain or illustrate your topic sentence. 2. Your introduction introduces the topic well, but the conclusion could be more reflective and summarize the central points more effectively.
task response
1. The introduction clearly sets up the topic and presents your opinion. 2. You provide a mix of general points and specific examples to support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
1. The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, which helps to organize your ideas. 2. There is an attempt to summarize and conclude the essay, which rounds off your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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