The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many
people
believe that the most crucial goal of
science
is to improve
people
's
lives
.
This
essay strongly agrees with the notion above because if
science
is not studied to improve
people
's quality of
lige
Correct your spelling
life
, it will cause danger
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
society.
Science
has
also
contributed to the innovation of medicines.
To begin
with,
scientists
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have mastered their knowledge of
science
should always have the mindset of helping society's
lives
. If all of the
scientists
have the same intention, which is to make
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
our
lives
,
then
we do not have to worry about experiencing another war or new invention that might make us extinct from the earth.
For instance
, the government should make all
scientists
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take oath, just like doctors to ensure that their only aim is to improve
people
's
lives
.
Furthermore
,
science
has
plays
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
an important role in the advancement of medical treatments. In the past,
people
who had fever could not even get the right treatment
due to
our lack of knowledge towards medicine. But today, because of the help of
science
, we managed to
survived
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survive
show examples
from covid-19.
This
shows how important it is to live
along
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alongside
show examples
science
and how their innovation has contributed to our
lives
. To
illustrates
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illustrate
show examples
this
,
science
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scientists
show examples
have invented
vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
that
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
humans from severe diseases
such
as Dengue and Malaria. In conclusion,
this
essay stands with
people
who
believes
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believe
show examples
that the most important aim of
science
is to improve
public's
Correct article usage
the public's
show examples
lives
.
Because
Correct word choice
Otherwise
show examples
otherwise
,
scientists
will have different
intention
Fix the agreement mistake
intentions
show examples
that may cause serious issues and
science
has contributed to many
innovation
Change to a plural noun
innovations
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
medicines
Fix the agreement mistake
medicine
show examples
.
Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, but the introduction could be more detailed. Consider expanding on the reason why improving people's lives is crucial before concluding your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious about minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For instance, 'safe humans' should be 'save humans' and 'plays' should be 'play'.
task achievement
Ensure you fully explain each of your examples to clearly show how they support your main points. Your examples are good but need a bit more detail.
coherence cohesion
Strive for consistency in tenses and plural forms. For example, 'scientists that have mastered their knowledge of science' could be simplified and clarified for easier reading.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize your main argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, especially the mention of medical advancements and vaccines.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, making it easy to follow the flow of ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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