The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many
people
believe that the most crucial goal of science
is to improve people
's lives
. This
essay strongly agrees with the notion above because if science
is not studied to improve people
's quality of lige
, it will cause danger Correct your spelling
life
for
society. Change preposition
to
Science
has also
contributed to the innovation of medicines.
To begin
with, scientists
that
have mastered their knowledge of Correct pronoun usage
who
science
should always have the mindset of helping society's lives
. If all of the scientists
have the same intention, which is to make improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
for
our Change preposition
to
lives
, then
we do not have to worry about experiencing another war or new invention that might make us extinct from the earth. For instance
, the government should make all scientists
to
take oath, just like doctors to ensure that their only aim is to improve Change the verb form
apply
people
's lives
.
Furthermore
, science
has plays
an important role in the advancement of medical treatments. In the past, Wrong verb form
played
people
who had fever could not even get the right treatment due to
our lack of knowledge towards medicine. But today, because of the help of science
, we managed to survived
from covid-19. Change the verb
survive
This
shows how important it is to live along
Change preposition
alongside
science
and how their innovation has contributed to our lives
. To illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
this
, science
have invented Replace the word
scientists
vaccine
that Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
safe
humans from severe diseases Replace the word
save
such
as Dengue and Malaria.
In conclusion, this
essay stands with people
who believes
that the most important aim of Change the verb form
believe
science
is to improve public's
Correct article usage
the public's
lives
. Because
Correct word choice
Otherwise
otherwise
, scientists
will have different intention
that may cause serious issues and Fix the agreement mistake
intentions
science
has contributed to many innovation
Change to a plural noun
innovations
of
Change preposition
in
medicines
.Fix the agreement mistake
medicine
Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, but the introduction could be more detailed. Consider expanding on the reason why improving people's lives is crucial before concluding your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious about minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For instance, 'safe humans' should be 'save humans' and 'plays' should be 'play'.
task achievement
Ensure you fully explain each of your examples to clearly show how they support your main points. Your examples are good but need a bit more detail.
coherence cohesion
Strive for consistency in tenses and plural forms. For example, 'scientists that have mastered their knowledge of science' could be simplified and clarified for easier reading.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize your main argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, especially the mention of medical advancements and vaccines.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, making it easy to follow the flow of ideas.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?