IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age( 65 years) for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at earlier age. • Do you agree? • Which type of worker do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reason for your answer and include any recent example from your knowledge of experience.

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The retirement age for a significant number of individuals' careers is 65 years in a lot of communities; a substantial number of parsons presume that it is unsuitable for every occupation.
However
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, Recent research on a happy life in the community is a superior strategy for deciding when to retire from each
job
Use synonyms
. In many countries, there are young societies, and alternative approaches are more productive when they take a
job
Use synonyms
 with the elderly who have been retired by the government. I am a strong advocate of
this
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 approach, and the benefits of it will be covered in
this
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 essay. A healthy body plays an absolutely critical role in the welfare of people during
this
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 time. Every
job
Use synonyms
 is a different profession that has specific demands in different areas.
Therefore
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, a substantial number of workers ought to retire when they work hard.
For example
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, a lot of employers in mine use their bodies or involve heavy physical
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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,
such
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 as factory workers, should be considered for early retirement
due to
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 the toll on their bodies over time.
Secondly
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, young individuals have not been able to get a
job
Use synonyms
 because old people work to 65 age.
Moreover
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, jobs are limited in society,
although
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 in many countries, the economy has risen, and finding a
job
Use synonyms
 is hard for young people. Indispensable conditions for increasing society are new ideas are accepted in work that the crux of the matter is financial community.
For instance
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, in Asia , the governments understood that changing old workers with young is a positive
overall
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 trend to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the level of their economy
To conclude
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, different occupations should have different retirement ages, especially the ones with heavy duties and risks.
This
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 will not break the equality of social benefits; inversely, there may be advantageous effects for harmonious social development.

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sentence structure
Work on sentence structure and syntax to enhance clarity and readability. For example, rephrasing sentences to avoid overly complex structures can help improve the reader's understanding.
example support
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, including concrete statistics or a well-known case study can substantially bolster your argument.
paragraph focus
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and specific focus that directly supports the main argument. This will help in making the essay more logically structured and cohesive.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear outline of the essay's argument.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt completely, discussing both opinions and providing a stance on which workers should benefit from early retirement.
task depth
The essay makes an effort to discuss the societal and economic implications of the retirement age, which adds depth to the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension
  • occupations
  • unfair
  • physical labor
  • risk exposure
  • health impact
  • mental stress
  • hazardous materials
  • emotional strain
  • skill obsolescence
  • technological advancements
  • eligible
  • long-term health risks
  • provisions for early retirement
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