IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think computer and internet are important in childrens study. But others think students can learn more effectively in school and with teachers

#people #computer #internet #childrens #study #students #school #teachers
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Critics consider that modern technologies are vital
kids
Change preposition
to kids
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. They argue that
passive
Correct article usage
the passive
show examples
 nature of
internet
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 leads to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 distracted and
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 researching.
For instance
, they believe that if children use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 during
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
, they can be easily interrupted by
another social networks
Replace the adjective
another social network
other social networks
show examples
.
Consequently
, individuals became more passive
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
study
 rather than active students.
Therefore
, they believe that gadgets
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not help
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
study
.
On the contrary
, most people think that students can learn more effectively with
teachers
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 with gadgets.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 days
teachers
 becoming more qualified and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 their knowledge . If pupils have an issue with their
study
, they can ask questions that they
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in and tutors can assist them with their knowledge. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result pupils
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be informed by
teachers
.
Thus
, I believe that studying with
teachers
 can be more effective rather than
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
While
 some argue that using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for the
study
 is productive
due to
 its all information, others believe that
teachers
 can be more effective and educational.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
 I side with the latter view. When students have
a questions
Correct the article-noun agreement
questions
a question
show examples
 about their subject they can come and require
as well as
 tutors all the time ready to answer
this requirements
Change the determiner
this requirement
these requirements
show examples
 with honor.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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structure
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly defined. The essay jumps into the topic without a proper introduction, which can confuse readers.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that the argument flows logically from one paragraph to the next. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
evidence
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular ways in which teachers help students understand complex subjects better than online resources.
language use
Enhance your vocabulary to better articulate your arguments. For instance, replace words like "gadgets" with more appropriate terms like "technological tools" or "digital resources."
structure
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
clarity
You express a clear preference for one side of the argument, making your position evident.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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