some working parents believe children centres can provide the best care for children while others think other family members like grandparents can do this job. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.
It is irrefutable that
nurishing
a Correct your spelling
nourishing
child
from childhood is the most fundamental aspect for every human beings
. Change to a singular noun
being
Therefore
, there is a group of thinkers who think putting a child
in children
Change noun form
children's
centres
is more
appropriate way for their basic Add an article
a more
the more
care
. While others
believe young one Correct word choice
Others
needs
to be with family Correct subject-verb agreement
need
especially
with grandparents during their childhood journey. Add the comma(s)
, especially
That is
why before devoting myself to any sides
, both Fix the agreement mistake
side
the
views are discussed Correct article usage
apply
further
.
To commence with the former thought, nowadays childcare centres
are burgeoning rapidly. In the
view of the fact that both Correct article usage
apply
the
parents are working. In that Correct article usage
apply
case
Add a comma
case,
thius
Correct your spelling
these
kind
of organizations are suitable for their little ones. Because Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
child
care
centres
do take care
of child
throughout their activities. Some rudimentary etiquettes are Fix the agreement mistake
children
also
being taught by them. Moreover
, they pramot
peer group bonding among Correct your spelling
promote
child
, some of the extra Fix the agreement mistake
children
curicular
activities Correct your spelling
curricular
also
being organized by them. And because of all this
things Correct determiner usage
these
child
learn every essential entails. Fix the agreement mistake
children
Furthermore
, the centre provide
the safety Change the verb form
provides
gurentee
as well. Correct your spelling
guarantee
Which
is one of the significant considerations because when parents are working they always feel short of insecurity Correct pronoun usage
This
to leave
the Change preposition
about leaving
child
alone at home,
Meanwhile, the secound
Correct your spelling
second
view point
is Correct your spelling
viewpoint
peratining
to raising a Correct your spelling
pertaining
child
in a comfortable place with family members particularly, grandparents. Thus
, in that case
Add a comma
case,
child
feel secure and comfort
because they are with their own family. And Replace the word
comfortable
according to
the psychological surveys in that environment, emotional
stability of Correct article usage
the emotional
child
is much Correct article usage
a child
more
better. Change the word
apply
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
this
one more mentioning
thing is Correct word choice
apply
older
generation has Correct article usage
the older
an
experience, they know what is more rational and what is not, the reason is they have Correct article usage
apply
been
lived Unnecessary verb
apply
the
life. Change the word
their
For instance
, grand ones tell stories to their grand children
with some strong morals. And they do Correct your spelling
grandchildren
this
with utmost love. So, child
can be able to learn easily without any Fix the agreement mistake
children
discomfortness
.
To Correct your spelling
discomfort
reacpitulate
the discussion, I pen down saying that raising a Correct your spelling
recapitulate
child
with family is superior
option. As in Add an article
a superior
the superior
the
childhood Correct article usage
apply
person
need love and attention and family touch has all the humid, safe and right paths for their children. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Whereas
childcare centres
are for them
who do not have family because they Correct pronoun usage
those
also
provide all basic and extra care
to individuals.Submitted by pratikmistry090 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use linking phrases more effectively to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of your essay by making sure every point is developed clearly and consistently. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by relevant details.
task achievement
Address each part of the task more comprehensively. Incorporate more detailed supporting points and relevant examples to build up your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly and comprehensively explained. Avoid vagueness and make your points more specific to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You have presented viewpoints from both sides effectively, which shows a balanced approach.
task achievement
The essay includes some relevant examples which help to illustrate the points being made.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example