some working parents believe children centres can provide the best care for children while others think other family members like grandparents can do this job. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#parents #children #centres #care #members #grandparents #job

It is irrefutable that

nurishing

Correct your spelling

nourishing

child

from childhood is the most fundamental aspect for every human

beings

Change to a singular noun

being

show examples

Therefore

, there is a group of thinkers who think putting a

child

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

centres

Add an article

a more

the more

show examples

appropriate way for their basic

care

While others

Correct word choice

Others

show examples

believe young one

needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

show examples

to be with family

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

with grandparents during their childhood journey.

That is

why before devoting myself to any

sides

Fix the agreement mistake

side

show examples

, both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

views are discussed

further

. To commence with the former thought, nowadays childcare

centres

are burgeoning rapidly. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

view of the fact that both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

parents are working. In that

case

Add a comma

case,

show examples

thius

Correct your spelling

these

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

of organizations are suitable for their little ones. Because

child

care

centres

do take

care

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

throughout their activities. Some rudimentary etiquettes are

also

being taught by them.

Moreover

, they

pramot

Correct your spelling

promote

peer group bonding among

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

, some of the extra

curicular

Correct your spelling

curricular

activities

also

being organized by them. And because of all

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

things

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

learn every essential entails.

Furthermore

, the centre

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

the safety

gurentee

Correct your spelling

guarantee

as well.

Which

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

is one of the significant considerations because when parents are working they always feel short of insecurity

to leave

Change preposition

about leaving

show examples

the

child

alone at home, Meanwhile, the

secound

Correct your spelling

second

view point

Correct your spelling

viewpoint

show examples

peratining

Correct your spelling

pertaining

to raising a

child

in a comfortable place with family members particularly, grandparents.

Thus

, in that

case

Add a comma

case,

show examples

child

feel secure and

comfort

Replace the word

comfortable

show examples

because they are with their own family. And

according to

the psychological surveys in that environment,

emotional

Correct article usage

the emotional

show examples

stability of

child

Correct article usage

a child

show examples

is much

Change the word

apply

show examples

better.

Beside

Correct your spelling

Besides

show examples

this

one more

mentioning

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

thing is

older

Correct article usage

the older

show examples

generation has

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

experience, they know what is more rational and what is not, the reason is they have

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lived

the

Change the word

their

show examples

life.

For instance

, grand ones tell stories to their

grand children

Correct your spelling

grandchildren

show examples

with some strong morals. And they do

this

with utmost love. So,

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

can be able to learn easily without any

discomfortness

Correct your spelling

discomfort

. To

reacpitulate

Correct your spelling

recapitulate

the discussion, I pen down saying that raising a

child

with family is

superior

Add an article

a superior

the superior

show examples

option. As in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

childhood

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

need love and attention and family touch has all the humid, safe and right paths for their children.

Whereas

childcare

centres

are for

them

Correct pronoun usage

those

show examples

who do not have family because they

also

provide all basic and extra

care

to individuals.

Submitted by pratikmistry090 on Wed Oct 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use linking phrases more effectively to connect your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen the logical structure of your essay by making sure every point is developed clearly and consistently. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by relevant details.

task achievement

Address each part of the task more comprehensively. Incorporate more detailed supporting points and relevant examples to build up your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure your ideas are clearly and comprehensively explained. Avoid vagueness and make your points more specific to enhance clarity.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion well.

task achievement

You have presented viewpoints from both sides effectively, which shows a balanced approach.

task achievement

The essay includes some relevant examples which help to illustrate the points being made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

373 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

childcare centres
professional expertise
early childhood development
structured learning
socialization
educational toys
structured routine
emotional bonding
family bond
cultural values
family traditions
one-on-one attention
developmental needs
flexible hours
cost-effective
socio-emotional development

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some working parents believe children centres can provide the best care for children while others think other family members like grandparents can do this job. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

The Vital Role of Banking in Promoting Economic Growth and Development.

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views!