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Band 5

the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#aim #science #people #lives
The most important goal of
science
 should be to improve
people
’s
lives
. I partly agree with
this
 statement because the development of
science
 gives
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 humans but often sacrifices other creatures’
lives
. The important aim of
science
 can probably improve humans’
lives
 since
this
science
gives
Verb problem
provides
show examples
 many benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
. One of those is a tube baby program.
This
 program allows
people
 who have difficulties
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 a baby to get a solution by using a fertilization process
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
out of
mother’s
Correct article usage
the mother’s
show examples
 belly. Many
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that if
people
strict
Add a missing verb
are strict
show examples
to use
Change preposition
in using
show examples
 the
convensional
Correct your spelling
conventional
 way, they may
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
 the baby for a longer time or even
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not have it.
This
 is because of some
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 issues,
such
 as the low quality of either the sperm or ovum.
Therefore
, the aim of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
 to improve
people
’s
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 can be achieved for a good reason,
such
 as to maintain the world populacy’s growth rate.
However
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
’s research and development process, many
people
 often find the sacrifices of other creatures,
such
 as animals.
For example
, the
sciencetist
Correct your spelling
scientist
scientists
 often uses
mouses
Replace the word
mice
show examples
 for the object of experiments before implementing them
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 humans.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 many occasions, many find that the experiment may not strictly obey the rules and
so
Add a missing verb
is so
show examples
 cruel
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these animals. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sciencetists
Correct your spelling
scientists
 should ensure the
standar
Correct your spelling
standard
 of
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
allowed
Add a missing verb
is allowed
show examples
 perfectly to avoid
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unethical thing making animals
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
.
Thus
, the aim of
science
 to improve
people
’s
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 can be achieved without
harms
Wrong verb form
harming
show examples
 other creatures. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I partly agree with the statement that the most important goal of
science
 should be to improve
people
’s
lives
 since the development of
science
 gives benefit for humans but often sacrifices other creatures’
lives
.
Submitted by adittyafatma on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, aim to provide more comprehensive examples and specific details to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as well as to the use of more academic vocabulary and varied sentence structures to take your writing to the next level.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating the ability to consider different perspectives. This is a strong point in your task response.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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