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Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is better for the students to live away from the home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #home #university #studies #parents
It is often argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
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whether
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
to live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
for
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apply
show examples
during
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
university
 is good or not. In my opinion, I completely agree that it is good for
students
 and will provide reasons to support my argument in
this
 essay. First of all, one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why I agree
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is that
university
students
 need to learn how to stand
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own
foot
Fix the agreement mistake
feet
show examples
.
This
 is because
students
 tend to lean on their
parents
under
Change preposition
for
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 their protection.
For example
, when I was in
university
, I expected my
parents
 to do thousands of works
instead
 of me; going to
bank
Add an article
the bank
a bank
show examples
,
sending
Correct word choice
and sending
show examples
parcles
Correct your spelling
parcels
, though I could do it by myself.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
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 I found out that
leaving
Verb problem
living
show examples
 apart from their home makes
students
 have strong responsibilities. Another point to consider is that it helps
students
 to set their own point of view.
In other words
, they need time to be away from their
parents
. I read an article that highlighted people are getting lose its characteristics
due to
over protection
Correct your spelling
overprotection
show examples
. To avoid that, leaving away from their
parents
 is essential. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is crucial for
university
students
 to live away from their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, as they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
grow
Verb problem
develop
show examples
 strong responsibility and mindset.
Submitted by semimama on

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grammar
Try to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and typos. For instance, 'reason' should be 'reasons', 'parcles' should be 'parcels', and 'getting lose' should be 'losing'.
vocabulary
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource and grammatical range.
structure
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
content
The main points are clear and supported with examples, which enhances the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diverse social environments
  • broader network
  • professional contacts
  • accommodation
  • financial burden
  • emotional support
  • psychological support
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • academic pressures
  • familial support system
  • distraction
  • focused study environment
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