IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given charts illustrate the proportion of different
ages
 of people in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries. Yemen and Italy in two years 2000and 2050. In general terms, It can be clearly seen that the youngest age group accounts for the smallest percentage of the Yemeni population,
while
 the smallest
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of Italians
ages
 60 or above.
In addition
, the figures for each category fluctuate during the given timescale. Turning to the chats in more detail, in 2000, 50.1% of Yemeni people were aged
14or
Correct your spelling
14 or
 under. Those
ages
 from 15 to 59 comprised 46.3% and only 3.5% were
ages
 60 or above.
By contrast
, about
three fifths
Add a hyphen
three-fifths
show examples
 of Italians were aged between
15and
Correct your spelling
15 and
 59. Roughly a quarter were taken up by those aged 60 and over and the youngest age group constituted 14.3%. By 2050, the percentage of Yemeni people aged 14 and under is expected to descend by 13.1%.
By contrast
, that of those aged between 15 and 59 is projected to experience a climb of 11%. In the meantime, the proportion of the oldest age group will remain relatively stable. Meanwhile, the figures for
Italian
Correct article usage
the Italian
show examples
 population from 15 to 59 and under 15 are anticipated to experience a drop of 2.8% and 15.4% respectively.
On the other hand
, those
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 59 are predicted to climb to 42.3%.
Submitted by zizi03199 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully covers the key details and changes within the given charts. Nonetheless, it's crucial to carefully proofread to correct small grammatical errors and typographical errors (e.g., '14or' instead of '14 or'). This will enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and overly complex sentence structure as they may make your explanation less clear. Strive for clear, concise sentences that convey your comparison more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Consider summarizing the main points in a brief conclusion to reinforce your analysis. This will help provide a well-rounded response and balance your essay structure more effectively.
task achievement
You have provided an overall summary and clearly stated the trends for each age group within both countries and comparison years.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are logically structured, presenting detailed comparisons within the same age groups for Yemen and Italy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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