IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspaper. What focus do you think influence these decisions? Do we become to used to bad news, and would it be better more good news was reported?

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Media outlets editors decide what to send on-air on television and what to print in newspapers.
However
Linking Words
, their decisions are influenced by their sponsors and donors,
although
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 it would
much
Add a missing verb
be much
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 better to watch rewarding
news
Use synonyms
 on TV and read the best science discoveries in newspapers.
News
Use synonyms
 channel decisions are always dictated by someone in the hierarchy of their sponsor echelons. Wherein, their donors always push them to broadcast their agenda to people around the world,
although
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this
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 essay talks about the most popular outlets,
where
Correct word choice
which
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have millions of subscribers around the globe,
where
Rephrase
apply
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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send millions of newspapers for them to read, and have directly influenced their minds in a good way or in a bad way.
For example
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, a number of Western media,
such
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 as CNN, NBC, ABC and FOX
News
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,
propagates
Correct subject-verb agreement
propagate
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 Islamophobia propaganda under the finance of their racist donors. It would be fantastic for people to hear great
news
Use synonyms
 about
science
Replace the word
scientific
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 discoveries on TV and read appealing
news
Use synonyms
 about sports rather than sad and horrific
news
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the minds of humans are adoptable if they hear, watch, and read rewarding
news
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. They may feel optimistic about the future, and their entire body will become energized with full potential to be a better human in society. And
on the other hand
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, if they hear bad
news
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, they may feel anxious, and their minds will completely freeze.
For instance
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, when one hears that in some part of the
world
Add a comma
world,
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 a conflict begins and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will eventually lead to
war-world
Correct your spelling
World
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 three,
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 will completely lose hope for the future, which is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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 all humans. In conclusion, many of the media are sponsored by tycoons, and they are the ones who dictate what
to
Add a missing verb
is to
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 be sent on-air on TV, on the radio, and printed on paper.
This
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 essay believes it would be in the fever of all humanity to hear joyful
news
Use synonyms
 rather than terrible reports,
whereas
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 happy
news
Use synonyms
 promotes oxytocin hormones and helps humans live longer.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by using clearer transitions between paragraphs and main points.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is more fully developed and supported with concrete examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the conclusion to encapsulate your arguments more succinctly and effectively tie back to your introduction.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic comprehensively and provides a clear standpoint on the influence of sponsors and the impact of news content.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and generally effective in framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
There is a coherent structure to the essay, and main points are generally supportive of the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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