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Band 3.5

Some people think university students should only focus on one particular study area. Others. However, others believe they should be encouraged to study a wide variety of subjects. Discuss both views and mention your own opinion.

#people #university #students #focus #study #area #variety #subjects
Some people believe that college
students
 should put all their effort into
one
 major. And not focus their minds on more than
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 field of
study
.
While
on the other hand
. Others see that
students
 should be encouraged to expand their studies and
hav
Correct your spelling
have
 them
study
 more than
one
 major.
However
,in
this
article
Add a comma
article,
show examples
 I will be discussing both views. People who agree with the first opinion,see that studying more than
one
mayor
Correct your spelling
major
show examples
 could be a difficult thing,especially with new
students
. And that it even might make them quit the university. And unfortunately,it happened to those who have dispersed themselves and their minds in more than
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 field of
study
.
they
Capitalize word
They
show examples
also
 see that studying only
one
 major and being creative in it,may help them get a prestigious job. And that would make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 country
develops
Correct subject-verb agreement
develop
show examples
 faster.
On the other hand
,people who believe that
students
 should be studying many fields believe that
this
 will make them
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more creative and
also
make
Verb problem
give
show examples
 them
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
life experience so that they face difficulties in their studying time. And
also
 upon graduation,
this
 will open up more jobs for them. In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
this
 might be
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
show examples
 choice,but it has prattle results.
Finally
,both opinions make sense but the second
one
 could be harder
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it has more convincing results than the first opinion,but I lean more toward the first view. Because not all
students
 can handle more than
one
 major and it could be a negative thing for them to
study
 what they cannot handle.
Submitted by moh.alholimie on

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grammar and vocabulary
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy and range. This will help convey your ideas more clearly and effectively.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all sentences are complete and well-structured to improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing both views, which is a core requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in better understanding of your viewpoints.
task achievement
Your ideas are logical and relevant to the topic, showing a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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