It is often said that the governments spend too much of money on the project to protect wildlife. While there are other problems thats more important? Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that spending a significant amount of
money
by the administration to shield wildlife
is useless while
there are other more important projects to consider like education.I strongly agree with the notion that spending too much money
on wildlife
is not beneficial.
To begin
with,wildlife
plays an important role in ecology and biological processes that are yet significant to life.To add on, these ecological processes are vital for agriculture , forests and fisheries that support human life besides
this
there are biological processes where wildlife
play
an important role Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
such
as pollination.Additionally
, wildlife
is important for the economy of the country as it provides food, timber and furniture are
made with the use of wild plants and trees Unnecessary verb
apply
as well as
a life of many people
depending on wildlife
for example
, according to
WORLD
ECONOMIC FORUM, 44 trillion dollar ties to nature, in Global south, 1.6 million Correct article usage
the WORLD
people
depend on forest.therefore
most expenditures are spent on protecting wildlife
.
Moving forward,attention should be paid to other projects besides
wildlife
like shelters,
and education. Shelter is another important factor for the survival of human beings because it provides safety and protection,ensuring the well-being of individuals and communities Remove the comma
apply
furthermore
government should pay attention to spending money
on making housing societies for human being
.Fix the agreement mistake
beings
For instance
, according to
the World Health Organization, 75% of people
live
without homes face many health issues Correct pronoun usage
who live
as well as
natural disasters that
is why it is important to spend Correct pronoun usage
which
money
on providing shelters to homeless people
.
To sum up
, the government should keep a balance between spending money
on wildlifelife
Correct your spelling
wildlife life
as well as
on other projects like providing shelter to homeless people
.I agree that there are other aspects that are necessary for the survival of human beings.Submitted by madihaali8470 on
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task achievement
To score higher, it's important to deepen your argument for why wildlife protection might not be as beneficial as solving other issues like education or homelessness. Include concrete statistics or real-life examples to strengthen your statements.
coherence cohesion
You need to refine the structure of your essay. A clearly defined thesis in the introduction and more distinct paragraphs for each point can help improve logical structure. Organize your ideas in a better manner and use linking words effectively.
task achievement
You showcased a good understanding of the topic and provided some plausible points of view, such as the benefits of wildlife and the importance of other projects like shelters and education.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and present, helping to frame the essay in a coherent way.