IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is often said that the governments spend too much of money on the project to protect wildlife. While there are other problems thats more important? Do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that spending a significant amount of
money
Use synonyms
 by the administration to shield
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is useless
while
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 there are other more important projects to consider like education.I strongly agree with the notion that spending too much
money
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 on
wildlife
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 is not beneficial.
To begin
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 with,
wildlife
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 plays an important role in ecology and biological processes that are yet significant to life.To add on, these ecological processes are vital for agriculture , forests and fisheries that support human life
besides
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this
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 there are biological processes where
wildlife
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 an important role
such
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 as pollination.
Additionally
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,
wildlife
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 is important for the economy of the country as it provides food, timber and furniture
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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made with the use of wild plants and trees
as well as
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 a life of many
people
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 depending on
wildlife
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for example
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,
according to
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WORLD
Correct article usage
the WORLD
show examples
 ECONOMIC FORUM, 44 trillion dollar ties to nature, in Global south, 1.6 million
people
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 depend on forest.
therefore
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 most expenditures are spent on protecting
wildlife
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. Moving forward,attention should be paid to other projects
besides
Linking Words
wildlife
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 like shelters
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and education. Shelter is another important factor for the survival of human beings because it provides safety and protection,ensuring the well-being of individuals and communities
furthermore
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 government should pay attention to spending
money
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 on making housing societies for human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the World Health Organization, 75% of
people
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live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
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 without homes face many health issues
as well as
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 natural disasters
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why it is important to spend
money
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 on providing shelters to homeless
people
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.
To sum up
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, the government should keep a balance between spending
money
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 on
wildlifelife
Correct your spelling
wildlife life
as well as
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 on other projects like providing shelter to homeless
people
Use synonyms
.I agree that there are other aspects that are necessary for the survival of human beings.

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task achievement
To score higher, it's important to deepen your argument for why wildlife protection might not be as beneficial as solving other issues like education or homelessness. Include concrete statistics or real-life examples to strengthen your statements.
coherence cohesion
You need to refine the structure of your essay. A clearly defined thesis in the introduction and more distinct paragraphs for each point can help improve logical structure. Organize your ideas in a better manner and use linking words effectively.
task achievement
You showcased a good understanding of the topic and provided some plausible points of view, such as the benefits of wildlife and the importance of other projects like shelters and education.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and present, helping to frame the essay in a coherent way.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecological balance
  • pressing issues
  • funds allocation
  • local economies
  • government expenditure
  • human welfare
  • wildlife habitats
  • combat climate change
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • conserve
  • immediate action
  • boost tourism
  • investment
  • pressing problems
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