IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#summarise #weight #measurements #people #charlestown #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar charts compare the
weight
Use synonyms
 measurements of
people
Use synonyms
 living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, most
people
Use synonyms
 20 to 29
years
Use synonyms
 old maintained an ideal
weight
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the percentages of
people
Use synonyms
 from 50 to 69
years
Use synonyms
 were more obese. In 1955, a bigger
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 of all ages were
underweight
Use synonyms
 than in 2015, where
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bigger
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 across the
age
Use synonyms
 groups were obese. In
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 in
40
Correct article usage
the 40
show examples
-69
age
Use synonyms
 groups had bigger percentages of obesity; in 1955, 5-10% of these
people
Use synonyms
 were obese and in 2015, 25-60% of these
people
Use synonyms
 were obese. 0-10% of younger
people
Use synonyms
 were obese
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
years
Use synonyms
. 20-40-
year
Use synonyms
-old
people
Use synonyms
 were more likely to be at an ideal
weight
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
years
Use synonyms
;
for example
Linking Words
, 70% of these
people
Use synonyms
 in 1955 and 2015 were at an ideal
weight
Use synonyms
. In 2015, obesity dominated the chart over all
age
Use synonyms
 ranges. It started from 2% of 20 to 29-
year
Use synonyms
-olds, followed by 10% of
30-to-39
Add a hyphen
30-to-39-year-old
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 old
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, 25% of 40 to
49
Add a hyphen
49-year-olds
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 olds, 51% of 50 to
59
Add a hyphen
59-year-olds
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 olds and the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 with 60% of 60 to
69
Add a hyphen
69-year-olds
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 olds
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffered from obesity.
However
Linking Words
, in 1955, only 5-9% of
people
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups were obese. In 1955, there were bigger percentages of
people
Use synonyms
 who were
underweight
Use synonyms
. Every
age
Use synonyms
 group had at least 15% of
people
Use synonyms
underweight
Use synonyms
. In 2015, only one group had a bigger
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
underweight
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
, 20%, and that was
people
Use synonyms
 from 20-29.
Submitted by jessica.pastor.87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words weight, people, both, years, percentage, underweight, age, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 7 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: