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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts compare the
weight
Use synonyms
 measurements of
people
Use synonyms
 living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in
both
Use synonyms
years
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, most
people
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 20 to 29
years
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 old maintained an ideal
weight
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,
while
Linking Words
 the percentages of
people
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 from 50 to 69
years
Use synonyms
 were more obese. In 1955, a bigger
percentage
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 of
people
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 of all ages were
underweight
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 than in 2015, where
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bigger
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 across the
age
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 groups were obese. In
both
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years
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,
people
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 in
40
Correct article usage
the 40
show examples
-69
age
Use synonyms
 groups had bigger percentages of obesity; in 1955, 5-10% of these
people
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 were obese and in 2015, 25-60% of these
people
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 were obese. 0-10% of younger
people
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 were obese
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
years
Use synonyms
. 20-40-
year
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-old
people
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 were more likely to be at an ideal
weight
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
years
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;
for example
Linking Words
, 70% of these
people
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 in 1955 and 2015 were at an ideal
weight
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. In 2015, obesity dominated the chart over all
age
Use synonyms
 ranges. It started from 2% of 20 to 29-
year
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-olds, followed by 10% of
30-to-39
Add a hyphen
30-to-39-year-old
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year
Use synonyms
 old
people
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, 25% of 40 to
49
Add a hyphen
49-year-olds
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year
Use synonyms
 olds, 51% of 50 to
59
Add a hyphen
59-year-olds
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 olds and the highest
percentage
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 with 60% of 60 to
69
Add a hyphen
69-year-olds
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 olds
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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suffered from obesity.
However
Linking Words
, in 1955, only 5-9% of
people
Use synonyms
 in all
age
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 groups were obese. In 1955, there were bigger percentages of
people
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 who were
underweight
Use synonyms
. Every
age
Use synonyms
 group had at least 15% of
people
Use synonyms
underweight
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. In 2015, only one group had a bigger
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
underweight
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people
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, 20%, and that was
people
Use synonyms
 from 20-29.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words weight, people, both, years, percentage, underweight, age, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 7 times.
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