Some people think there are not many things individuals can do to resolve environmental problems, while the others believe that in order to tackle environmental problems individuals also need to take action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an
on-going
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ongoing
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debate where some
people
argue that there is not much an individual can do to solve environmental issues
whereas
others suggest that individual action is mandatory to solve the problems. I stand with the latter view because I believe that a person has the ability to not only create small changes but
also
share
awareness
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
other
people
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, it is true that in order to create
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
environment, a
big
Correct word choice
large
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number of
people
is needed to succeed. Moving on your own to solve the problems will take a long time to show a significant change to the world.
For instance
, a person from a rural area is aware of the trash polluting the river, so he has the intention to clean it.
However
, working alone might be hard and will consume a lot of time.
Therefore
, a vast number of
people
is needed to bring development to the environment.
On the other hand
,
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
with environmental
awareness
is the start of
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life. A person who deeply cares about the environment will mind their actions before doing something that may damage it,
such
as putting trash
on
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in
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the bin and using paper straws. These small acts will subconsciously influence
people
around them to
to
Correct your spelling
do
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the same thing which in the end will increase the number of
people
with environmental
awareness
.
For example
, many Indonesian celebrities have been actively influencing
people
of
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on
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the importance of reducing the use of plastic.
As a result
, these individuals successfully bring
the
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apply
show examples
awareness
of environmental issues and encourage
people
to solve the problems. In conclusion,
while
some
people
think that individuals are not capable enough to resolve environmental issues, I believe that they have the power to make small changes and spread
awareness
to other
people
which might influence a majority of
people
to do the same.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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Task Achievement
Try to balance both views more evenly in your discussion. Currently, the essay seems to lean more towards the belief that individual action is essential, with less emphasis on the opposing viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the linkage between sentences and ideas for smoother transitions. Although your points are clear, at times the connection between them can be strengthened.
Task Achievement
Provide more varied examples that can also illustrate the opposing view. This can include instances where individual action might not be as effective without collective effort.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting your stance and summarizing your argument effectively.
Supported Main Points
You’ve provided relevant examples to support the main argument, showcasing that individuals can inspire change in environmental awareness.
Logical Structure
The essay presents a clear position and supports it with logical reasoning, making it persuasive.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental issues
  • sustainable habits
  • systemic industrial emissions
  • deforestation
  • sustainable operations
  • eco-friendly products
  • consumer demand
  • public advocacy
  • grassroots movements
  • legislative changes
  • conserve energy
  • reduce waste
  • recycling
  • supply chains
  • international cooperation
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