IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think there are not many things individuals can do to resolve environmental problems, while the others believe that in order to tackle environmental problems individuals also need to take action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an
on-going
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ongoing
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 debate where some
people
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 argue that there is not much an individual can do to solve environmental issues
whereas
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 others suggest that individual action is mandatory to solve the problems. I stand with the latter view because I believe that a person has the ability to not only create small changes but
also
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 share
awareness
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to
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with
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 other
people
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. On
one
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the one
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 hand, it is true that in order to create
better
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a better
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 environment, a
big
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large
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 number of
people
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 is needed to succeed. Moving on your own to solve the problems will take a long time to show a significant change to the world.
For instance
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, a person from a rural area is aware of the trash polluting the river, so he has the intention to clean it.
However
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, working alone might be hard and will consume a lot of time.
Therefore
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, a vast number of
people
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 is needed to bring development to the environment.
On the other hand
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,
individual
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an individual
the individual
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 with environmental
awareness
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 is the start of
better
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a better
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 life. A person who deeply cares about the environment will mind their actions before doing something that may damage it,
such
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 as putting trash
on
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in
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 the bin and using paper straws. These small acts will subconsciously influence
people
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 around them to
to
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do
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 the same thing which in the end will increase the number of
people
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 with environmental
awareness
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.
For example
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, many Indonesian celebrities have been actively influencing
people
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of
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on
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 the importance of reducing the use of plastic.
As a result
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, these individuals successfully bring
the
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apply
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awareness
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 of environmental issues and encourage
people
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 to solve the problems. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 think that individuals are not capable enough to resolve environmental issues, I believe that they have the power to make small changes and spread
awareness
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 to other
people
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 which might influence a majority of
people
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 to do the same.

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Task Achievement
Try to balance both views more evenly in your discussion. Currently, the essay seems to lean more towards the belief that individual action is essential, with less emphasis on the opposing viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the linkage between sentences and ideas for smoother transitions. Although your points are clear, at times the connection between them can be strengthened.
Task Achievement
Provide more varied examples that can also illustrate the opposing view. This can include instances where individual action might not be as effective without collective effort.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting your stance and summarizing your argument effectively.
Supported Main Points
You’ve provided relevant examples to support the main argument, showcasing that individuals can inspire change in environmental awareness.
Logical Structure
The essay presents a clear position and supports it with logical reasoning, making it persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental issues
  • sustainable habits
  • systemic industrial emissions
  • deforestation
  • sustainable operations
  • eco-friendly products
  • consumer demand
  • public advocacy
  • grassroots movements
  • legislative changes
  • conserve energy
  • reduce waste
  • recycling
  • supply chains
  • international cooperation
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