IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #oil #world #resources #sources #power #wind
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Because
oil
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 is
such
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 a precious fuel a great deal of
money
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 is spent looking for it. Some people believe that
this
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 is counterproductive as
oil
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 is finite so
therefore
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 we should spend some of
this
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money
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 advancing new power sources. I agree with
this
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 point and think that we should stop
focussing
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focusing
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 on
oil
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supplies
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 as it is both unsustainable
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 harmful to the environment. 
Oil
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 is not only very expensive but it is
also
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one
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 of the most commonly sold commodities on the planet.
For
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this
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reason
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reason,
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 many people invest great sums of
money
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 in locating and extracting it.
Furthermore
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, countries that have been able to find
oil
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supplies
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 have seen a huge rise in their GDP and a corresponding rise in their population’s living standards.
However
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,
oil
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 is not a renewable energy
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 and
one
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 day the earth’s
supplies
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 will be depleted.
For
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this
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reason
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reason,
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 it is not logical for us to continue being dependent on
oil
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 and should
instead
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 devote time and
money
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on
Change preposition
to
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 the development of sustainable alternatives. These alternatives already exist in the form of wind, hydro and solar power but need to be invested in to meet the global demand for energy.  Another issue with our reliance on
oil
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 is the effect that it has on the environment. The burning of fossil fuels like
oil
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 is
one
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 of the key causes of climate change.
For
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this
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reason
Add a comma
reason,
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 many people argue that, rather than looking for new ways of extracting
oil
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, its use should be greatly limited. They argue that, if we do not address the problem now, many parts of the world will be uninhabitable in the future. In conclusion, despite the financial benefit for those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 find
supplies
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 of
oil
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, I would argue that we need to end our reliance on it. The environmental problems that it causes are too great to be ignored and, given that it will
one
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 day be depleted anyway, we need to start using alternatives now. 329
Submitted by bidingmehakjot on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support your argument on the benefits of renewable energy.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's position.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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