In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)
As
the
Correct article usage
apply
time
passed
, almost every Wrong verb form
passes
countries
around the world Change to a singular noun
country
are
becoming richer. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
This
is due to
the fact that technologies and electronic devices play a
crucial roles in Correct article usage
apply
term
of Fix the agreement mistake
terms
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
the
opportunities for making money. Correct article usage
apply
However
, as their
became richer, they Correct pronoun usage
they
seem
to lose their happiness. Wrong verb form
seemed
This
essay will reveal the reason of
Change preposition
for
this
situation and the lessons that we can learned
from Change the verb form
learn
this
.
First of all, the rationale behind this
is that, during this
20 years
period, many careers are more Correct your spelling
20-year
relying
on Replace the word
reliant
the
technology and Correct article usage
apply
electronic
. Replace the word
electronics
Furthermore
, the result of this
is that people
have more opportunities to access their job easier due to
the online platform. In addition
, many jobs that never exist
before Change the form of the verb
existed
was
created online Correct subject-verb agreement
were
for
instance, online Add the comma(s)
, for
market place
, teaching online, Correct your spelling
marketplace
youtuber
, etcCorrect your spelling
YouTubers
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Therefore
, the more jobs people
get, the more money they have made.
On the other hand
, while
people
has
become wealthy, the negative effects have shown along the side of those developed countries. Many citizens seem to Change the verb form
have
loose
their happiness and satisfaction. Replace the word
lose
This
is because of that, people
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
time
more on the works in order to make more incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
while
decreasing their freetime
and vacation. Correct your spelling
free time
Furthermore
, the lessons
that we can Fix the agreement mistake
lesson
learned
from Change the verb form
learn
this
is that people
should balance their working period and relax
Replace the word
relaxation
time
in order to maintain the
job satisfaction and Correct article usage
apply
the
happiness Correct article usage
apply
of
life.
To Change preposition
in
be conclude
, nowadays, Change the verb form
conclude
people
are becoming richer and richer due the
increasing of jobs and the accessibility to get hired. Change preposition
to the
However
, the more money they get, the less happy they are, people
tended
to have Wrong verb form
tend
less
enjoyable life because they cannot manage their Correct article usage
a less
time
between working and relaxing. The lesson from this
is, do not spend
most of your time
with the
work but spending the Correct article usage
apply
time
more on the
your love or taking some vacation after working for a long period of Remove the article
apply
time
.Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance clarity by organizing your thoughts into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or argument. This helps maintain a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your response and demonstrate your ability to analyze the topic in depth.
Language Use
Make sure to proofread for language accuracy, including verb tense and number agreement, to improve the overall readability of the essay.
Introduction
The introduction clearly sets the context by explaining the link between economic growth, technology, and happiness in developed countries.
Conclusion
The conclusion restates the main points and suggests a solution to the issue of reduced happiness despite economic growth.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the task by discussing both the reason for reduced happiness and the potential lesson to be learned from it.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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