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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart exemplifies the proportion of adult
smokers
Use synonyms
 among men in seven different countries
together with
Linking Words
 the world average in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is evident that 6 states witnessed a decline in shares and the remaining countries saw a surge in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the world's average male
smokers
Use synonyms
 decreased steadily, reaching around 30% in 2015.Over the period,Amenia and Bangladesh demonstrated a similar trend with an initial value above 60%.
However
Linking Words
,the proportion of the male population in Bangladesh who smoke had significantly declined by roughly 20% compared to Amenia with just around
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% difference.
In addition
Linking Words
,despite Egypt and Lebanon
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 at around the same shares at the beginning of the period,the chunks of male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Egypt was slightly higher than in Lebanon amounting to half of the male population Other than that,Cuba maintained a consistently low
percentage
Use synonyms
 of male
smokers
Use synonyms
 with little variation between two years.
Although
Linking Words
 Mexico and Australia begin at around the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 which
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 about one-third ,Mexico experienced a higher drop in
percentage
Use synonyms
 compared to Australia
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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