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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-managed. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the world?

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Tourism
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in a country’s economy. It has become one of the fastest-growing industries.
While
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 it offers many benefits,
such
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 as economic growth, if not managed properly it may create new challenges.
This
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 essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of
tourism
Use synonyms
 in today’s society. One of the merits of
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the support for the local economy.
Tourism
Use synonyms
 creates jobs in various sectors, including hospitality, transportation, and entertainment.
This
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 will boost the local’s income,
while
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also
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 enlarging the country’s GDP.
For instance
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, Bali, a tourist hot spot, relies more than 50% of their economy on
tourism
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.
Additionally
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,
tourism
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 promotes infrastructural development. Governments and private investors are often encouraged to improve transport systems, construct new facilities, and enhance public services to accommodate tourists. These developments not only serve visitors but
also
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 benefit local residents by improving their quality of life.
On the other hand
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,
tourism
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 can lead to severe environmental damage if it's not controlled properly. The construction of new parks, hotels, and restaurants
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 land often leading to deforestation and the destruction of the local wildlife. The waste of
these infrastructure
Change the determiner
this infrastructure
these infrastructures
show examples
 can
also
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 produce harmful substances that pollute the environment.
Furthermore
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, the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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 trees caused by deforestation can bring on air pollution, as trees play a crucial role in absorbing carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen. Without trees,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air pollution levels can rise, especially
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in dense areas and
high traffic
Add a hyphen
high-traffic
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tourism
Use synonyms
 areas.
To sum up
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,
while
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tourism
Use synonyms
 may offer some benefits, the environmental
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
such
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 as air pollution and the destruction of wildlife should not be overlooked.
However
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, a correctly managed
tourism
Use synonyms
 system can benefit the locals, by creating new jobs and construction of new infrastructure that can be used by the locals.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing environmental issues.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are well-organized, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for even greater clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively includes both an introduction and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have presented a clear comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable tourism
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • hospitality industry
  • tourist influx
  • cultural commodification
  • ecological footprint
  • economic diversification
  • carrying capacity
  • cultural sensitivity
  • destination marketing
  • travel advisories
  • visitor management
  • impact assessment
  • tourism revenues
  • authentic experience
  • visitor satisfaction
  • conservation efforts
  • seasonal fluctuation
  • social sustainability
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