Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion. (rewrite)
It is often controversial about who holds the responsibility to reduce
packages
today. While
some people argue that manufactures
and supermarkets have a primary Correct your spelling
manufacturers
role
, others believe that customers should take an active approach. I partially support the former, for more incredible effects they can have on society when they dramatically alter the way of packaging regardless of the essential role
of consumers
as individual efforts raise awareness toward the environment
.
On the one hand, producers should take the most significant role
in reducing packages
since they are able to cut down more waste, which is harmful to nature. In other words
, the growing use of packages
in selling food can extensively contaminate air and lands
, which makes it more immediate for them to find Fix the agreement mistake
land
the
alternatives including the introduction of eco-friendly bags before they spoil the Earth. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, one supermarket is known to produce as many as 5 tons of waste made of plastics each month, making it the most dominant source of pollution. Thus
, manufactures
are expected to preserve the Correct your spelling
manufacturers
environment
with the
practical ideas to avoid the use of packaging.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, consumers
also
should play their part as their continuous efforts to reduce packages
make a significant change. Indeed, the choice of consumers
not only puts pressure on manufactures
to promote eco-friendly acts but Correct your spelling
manufacturers
also
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
awarness
toward the Correct your spelling
awareness
environment
, encouraging more people to avoid unnecessary packages
. To illustrate this
, the idea of bringing their own eco-bags to store food is stimulating enough to draw the attention of others, providing them with a practical way to save the environment
.
Thanks to frequent opportunities to communicate more easily, their communucation
skills Correct your spelling
communication
advances
greatly. Change the verb form
advance
Furthermore
, such
acts also
have a long-lasting impact once they get used to this
new habit, which leads to a significant drop in plastic materials.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that producers have the primary role
in reducing the amount of food packaging because of their dynamic effects on the environment
since thery
are used in various products. Correct your spelling
they
there
However
, consumers
also
should be encouraged to make practical efforts in saving nature so others can follow to have an incredibly postive
effect on the Earth.Correct your spelling
positive
Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph contains one main idea, supported by evidence and examples. In some parts, it felt like multiple ideas were being introduced without sufficient development. For example, the impact of communication skills could be clarified or expanded upon.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to illustrate your points. This would strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Work on slightly improving the clarity of some sentences. For instance, rephrase 'their continuous efforts to reduce packages make a significant change' to a clearer expression such as 'Their efforts to consistently reduce packaging can lead to significant environmental changes.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage and summarizing the discussed viewpoints.
task achievement
A balanced consideration of both sides of the argument, incorporating perspectives of both manufacturers and consumers.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of language to describe the potential environmental impacts of packaging, which adds depth to the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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